You keep coming here. You read, then reread each section again. You do the homework. I personally know the experience of emotional, mental and verbal abuse. They are huge contributors to anxiety/panic as you're always walking on eggshells. You have to get better for you. I have recently joined this site and it has been the best help, guidance and support along with the books I have read and am still reading. I don't know what type of emotional abuse you are suffering from, there are several types, but you have to be strong for yourself. You can and will get better with support persons in your life. Find a friend who you can confide in or a close family member to be a support person for you. Keep coming here and don't give up on helping yourself to get better emotionally.
What do you mean when you say you are not allowed therapy? One option for you is to work through the program available to you on this site. I'm glad you reached out to us. Please post often to let us know what you are doing.