I'm like u. I work in health care too and adapted a core belief of thinking that the patients that have ailments that they can happen to me. It's a constant battle with CBT to help me get though it but it's working. I try not to think about things that will bring my anxiety. And when it does I just try not to pay attention, I've seen people who has bad health issues who got out of it fine, so there's my new belief. I was worried about my health and now my new core belief is if there's is something urgent I can deal with it and the health care team will know what to do.
I hope you're okay and get through it... I've accepted that this may be the best I can be and try to live my life with out any anxiety getting in the way... It's hard and challenging sometimes but no matter what life goes on...
That is one of the symptoms people don't talk about but I bet we all feel. Some days I feel so useless. There I said it. And it is depressing feeling like that. It passes and I get on with life. I get some anxiety but it is controlled.
You know I have Arthritis and I don't know why but on days when I don't ache to bad and my balance is okay I get sad. I should feel joy but I don't. Days when I'm having a tough time I think I'm too distracted to feel anxious. I don't know what the connection is with feeling physically good and yet sad. Maybe it is a reminder of what I have lost.
It has been a long haul with some minor setbacks. It has been over ten years since I first saw my therapist. The first five years were pure hell. But some of the anxiety was second hand. Five operations on my knees, infection with three of them. Broke both legs, infection each time. Two Christmases in hospital. Over two years of accumulated time. Six weeks in the psych ward for thinking suicide out loud. What an experience. I survived it, it is over. and I took a year to kick Ativan dependence.
No one wants to hear it can take years to get over this disorder, but then I was a pretty big mess. Most people luckily don't take that long. Those that stick it out that is. Was it worth it? I would say so. I'm happy most of the time. (enough that the sad times are never remembered {replayed}) Oh I know they happened, and they are over so they just don't matter. Some days though I have to stay busy so I don't feel hopeless. See it is like this, I can control how I feel but Panic and anxiety will always be in the background waiting for me to invite them back. And they are not invited.
Things haven't been going so well lately. A couple of days ago I started feeling symptoms that are not typical of my panic attacks....and it has sent me reeling. I felt so weird on Thursday...and it sent my panic into overdrive. Yesterday (Friday) wasn't too bad....but today (Saturday) is horrible. I have horrible chest tightness/heart burn and it's totally freaking me out. I know in my head that this is most likely part of my anxiety.....but I can't convince my heart that that's the case.....and that's the only place it matters. I've been sitting here in the other room, crying for about 2 hours....while the rest of my family/friends are outside enjoying the nice weather.
I feel like such an idiot. I can't seem to get over this stupid anxiety and depression. However....tomorrow is another day...and maybe a good night's sleep will help.
