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for 10 år siden 0 +0 / -0 219

Red,

I read a story on a page I bookmarked a few months ago yesterday evening. It mentioned toxic people, relationships. It also suggested books to read. I purchased one called "The Four Agreements" by Ruiz, Don Miguel. I have only read 22% of it thus far, but the reviews on it mentioned core beliefs so I thought I would give it a try and mention it on here.

for 10 år siden 0 +0 / -0 2508

Working on it by making a list of pleasant activities again...Replacing the negative thoughts and assumptions with positive thoughts and assumptions...

for 10 år siden 0 +0 / -0 2508

This people pleasing mindset that I have is turning out to be a little harder to deal with than I thought so I have decided to go over to the sister site "The Depression Center" and look for answers and help in the sessions they have there.

(ie. Core Beliefs).

Good Luck to all who are working on this issue..

Red...

for 10 år siden 0 +0 / -0 219

Red,

I am still reading this one. It is an eye opener isn't it. I know I am changing most of my people pleasing habits for good.

for 10 år siden 0 +0 / -0 2508

Just finished reading the book "Who's Pulling Your Strings" It was a real eyeopener for me..

I never realized what a plastic bubble I was living in until now..It would of been nice if I had not had to experience this kind of thing first hand but I have and so I will have to do something about it now..There is lots of work to be done to repair my self and all the damage done. That what I get living a vacuum.

Red..

for 10 år siden 0 +0 / -0 2508

I will try to put up excerpts for those that have the tendency to people please as I am able...but for now my main concern must be my own self improvement..I am sure you will understand..As we all have our own journeys.

Please Feel Free to Share your own experiences with people pleasing on this thread..

Red....

for 10 år siden 0 +0 / -0 2508

The purpose of Buying Time is so that you can think things over and weight your options. So that you don't rush into a decision saying yes or no when later you had wished you had responded differently..This way you will not fall into the people pleasing trap or mindset or negative core beliefs that you have about your self and your self worth..

Davit yes being backed into a corner is pretty Bad as you put it..I glad that you have not had to experience this personally.

Anyway This is where to book In Sheeps Clothing comes into play.

There are manipulative people in the world and these type of people are called coercive aggressives and they will stop at nothing to get what they want from you..It is all about satisfying there wants and needs and most of all there desire/need to win..They lack conscious so winning is everything..This the new Me mentality that is seen in the world that we are living in today..The other book I am getting ready to read on this subject in my desire to learn is titled: Who's pulling your strings..

This will be a lengthy process..but it is necessary. It's really about survival for me now..and how I must learn to cope in the world that I find myself living in today..

Red..

for 10 år siden 0 +0 / -0 6252

I've been told I'm too black or white. I could not do this, with me it is either yes or no right now, no delays but then I have never had anyone push me into a corner. That must be very bad. With my brother it was just attitude that made me mad. So it was say no and keep it no. Conditions are much better now. We actually get along pretty good now.

There was another situation where I was given an ultimatum and had to say no, I come first in this case. She said no also and that is where it went. There could have been compromise and should have been. But that involves two people and no is still no even if only one says it.

Davit

for 10 år siden 0 +0 / -0 2508

Techniques that I am learning from the book: The Disease To Please..

Day 1.

Step 1

Delay Response- ( Buying Time)

Delaying-Gives you more control

Examples: Before Replying.

If on telephone put on "hold" etc. etc.

Face to Face. Remove yourself for a moment.

Come back to conversation:

Delay Buy Time:

Tell the person you will need to take some time before you can respond back with a answer and will contact them in a few days.

Handle Resistance- Using the Broken Record technique

Acknowledge you understand the request.

Then:

Repeat Phrase to Buy Time.

Example: I need to check on a couple of things first. I will call you back later..

Step 2

Identify Options:

Explore each option/possibilities.

Make decision of whats best for you.

Yes, No or counter offer

Step 3

Once you have weighted all your options and are ready to respond.

Handle Resistance using the Broken Record technique again.

Hi I am calling/texting/emailing you to get back to you about will a answer.

I will not be able to this or that right now.

Handle Resistance again:

Using the Broken Record technique again accept with understanding of the others needs this time.

Yes I understand you are in a bind or need someone to do xyz or want me to put you up for the night.

Example: I will not be able to assist your right now,or I will not be able to do that right now.. etc. etc..

More Resistance:

Repeat Broken Record. I know where you are coming from. I will not be able to assist you right now.

Repeat as necessary:

Step 4:

Say Good Bye

End call.

Give yourself a pat on the back and relax..

for 10 år siden 0 +0 / -0 2508

Hi Ashley,

There are answers to your question under a thread I started before this one. It's listed under success stories titled: Life's Reflections and Awakening..The answer is in the first two posts under that thread and continues on under this new thread: People Pleasing..So I guess I have already started on my goal..

So far I have learned the importance of core beliefs and that this behavior is something that can be unlearned with practice. First off I have learned how important it is to "Buy Time" when approached by someone requesting something of me..This way I will be able to access such requests and will be able to make decisions based on what My needs are first before I agree to do what is asked of or demanded of me. That is ok to say No and I am in no way obligated to preform on demand. I should always consider my needs first and should never expect any gestures of gratitude. I would like it if someone said thanks or returned the gesture but realize now that the people I do things for are in know obligated to do so, just as I am not obligated to give in to there requests or demands. So right now I am Buying Time and will respond to the latest request when I feel I am ready to do so..One thing I have decided already is that I will no longer be allowing house guests to stay in my home again..I will let them know this when I return there call if they request this of me.

Red..

Red....

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