Red
The disease to please is a tough core belief to break because of all the other core beliefs attached to it that interfere. I think you can do it. I had to hit bottom first and get fed up. I also had to find the root that was the cause of all these core beliefs and it wasn't a need to please but a need to be better than I was. A core belief that said I wasn't good enough that came from living in the shadow of my brother. My brother was favourite son. He had advantages that allowed him to buy friends and discard them at will. So I built A core that said I had to work extra hard to be noticed. A core that said good enough wasn't good enough. A core that said I was stupid and a core that said I was ugly. The last two because they were the only reasons I could find for not being as popular as my brother. I never noticed that he was popular because he had things people wanted, not because he was liked. He had money, he had a car. I had nothing being second son. My people pleasing extended to working extra shifts no one wanted, doing jobs no one wanted and doing a better job than necessary to be noticed. Again the root wasn't about a need to make people happy but a need to be noticed as a somebody. It backfired because I was too picky and too hard to compete with. Not one of the crowd. Not an apple playing apple games. I still go out of my way to help people but the reason is different. And I only do it if I have the time. I have a life and I live it first.
So I think you need to ask yourself as I did, why build these core beliefs. Why the need to please.
It came as a surprise to me that people could like me because I was interesting, that I could talk on most any subject but even more so that I could listen without it being people pleasing. I still go out of my way to be the best I can be but that is for me, not to be better than anyone. In this way I come first without being selfish.
There is a core that comes with people pleasing that is destructive. It is the need to be praised and thanked for the things you do. Thank you is a courtesy not a necessity. It can make you resentful of the things you do. If you find this core, drop it. The rule is anything given is given freely, expecting praise or thanks puts a payment on it and it is no longer free. Accept it when you get it but don't let it be a condition. That will only interfere with breaking a core belief by giving it a reason to stay around. Even if it is in a round about way.
So this is just my take on this and what I did to get rid of those cores and ultimately the people pleasing.
Davit.
Ps and you know I will be interested in how you get on and what you use to break that core.
Do you find "should" negative? I find it tiring and too close to "have to". I find "intend to" more to my liking.
