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Spouse Support?

for 9 år siden 0 +0 / -0 219

Thank you Davit,

I know 99% of my support comes from this group of wonderful people here.

Maybe its being taken for granted. Either way it irks me that there has not been a kind word about my progresses from family. You are right, these things are normal for other people. They do these things daily. I shall celebrate with those who acknowledge my successes and eat of piece of chocolate on the good side of my mouth. ;)

I might type of that literature on support myself and pass it out to family members. :D

for 9 år siden 0 +0 / -0 6252

The problem seems to be that most people think it is all in your head so when you do something they consider normal it is no big deal. I mean like you are supposed to be able to do that, why recognize it. Now you and I know how important it is to you but then we are the ones doing it. I'm very proud of your accomplishment and dedication but you may also notice that I may have missed some of your improvements. No excuse for family though, they are there and should notice. Then again, is this new or were you always taken for granted. My brother doesn't accept anxiety exists so any improvement would mean nothing.

Your improvement means a lot especially to one who has been there.

Davit

for 9 år siden 0 +0 / -0 219

Figured since this is the thread about spouse support I would just add this here.

I have been driving more. I'll pat myself on the back because this is something other family members don't seem to acknowledge when someone with our disorder tackles and starts to accomplish. There needs to be a print out for us to hand to family members telling them we could use a pat on the back every now and then when we do exposure therapy for whatever fear it is we are exposing ourselves to. I'm irked at mine right now because I just drove in snowy weather with icy roads and the people I care about have not said well done, good job, you're doing really well, nothing.

How can we get spouses and other family members to acknowledge that this is a huge success for us and if we get something positive from them, we will be more successful in the future?

P.S. My daughter did tell me she was impressed I drove in this weather and told me she noticed I have been driving more. I am Thankful for that. :)

for 9 år siden 0 +0 / -0 11226

Hi PonyBoy,

I am sorry to read the strain anxiety is having on your marriage. It sounds like both you and your wife are frustrated. The best thing both of you can do right now is gain as much information as possible about anxiety disorders. You working on the program here is an excellent, huge step forward.

I want you to know that even "real men" can have anxiety disorders. Someone's gender or character has nothing to do with whether or not they struggle with anxiety. Remember, you are not your anxiety. Anxiety is something you can overcome. I look forward to reading about your progress.

How are you doing today?

Ashley, Health Educator

Here to help :)

for 9 år siden 0 +0 / -0 6252

PonyBoy

One of the underlying factors of panic disorders is that very few people get support from their family or friends unless they have the same condition. If they don't have this condition how can they feel what you do. They would be supporting out of love only. Knowing what we look like and how we act in the throws of this condition love isn't enough they need understanding too. It doesn't sound like you are getting that.

They are right about one thing, just not the way they think they are. It is all in your head. You can't just say no to it. it isn't that simple. Your mind has built in safety factors. It has to have damn good reasons to change before it will. I put on some posts how to overcome these checks. But it is technical and I see few people read them. The program does work. Any thing that is actual CBT works. Most programs and books that call themselves CBT are actually only behavioural therapy. To be cognitive it has to teach you how to change thought patterns. And those are in your head.

You can function with just BT. Relaxation and coping will get you through the day but you will always need them. When you learn CBT they are always first. Like licking the bowl while the cake bakes. Once you learn to change your thinking you will rely less and less on relaxation and coping skills because they won't be needed.

And we are all F.....g heroes. Anyone that can go through a major panic attack feeling physical and mental anguish as their whole world is tore apart and not end the pain in the quickest way be it pills or bullets is a hero. Worse is when you go through this pain and this search for a cure, for your family and they don't give a damn because they are tired of seeing this jeckle and hyde that they can in no way understand.

Feel free to show this to your spouse because I will say it right here, this is real, this anguish is as real as it gets. It can be cured, I am proof of that. I will never forget the panic attacks or the shame and for that reason alone I am a support person. On and off line. I'll take a chance of feeling your pain if I can help you.

Davit.

Panic attacks know no gender, I support everyone.

If there are no tears in your eyes there can be no rainbow in your heart.

for 9 år siden 0 +0 / -0 219

If you don't have the support of your wife or another family member seek out support in a good friend, preferably someone who is patient and understanding. Someone who will also hold you accountable for your recovery and share your joy with your progress.

for 9 år siden 0 +0 / -0 3

How many of you have the support of your spouse with this condition? I am reminded frequently how selfish I am for making my marriage all about me because of my panic attacks. I was told tonight to get it under control or get out because there is no reason for it to be happening. My anxieties are inside of my head and I have panic attacks that I bottle up inside. Try to have a full blown panic attack without showing any outward emotions that it's happening, damn near impossible. It's like trying to hold a fart, you are puckering up hoping that nobody can tell. Letting a little out at a time hoping that nobody can notice I have to conceal my anxiety every day. My wife doesn't know half of the things I go through. I told my wife that most people would break if they thought of all the things that are going on in my mind through the day... She said oh so now you're a ****ing super hero. You can't be a real man and not break down all the time in a panic for no reason. It's a battle that I hope to overcome very soon.

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