I have worked at the same company for 20+years. It has been a stable place to work with lots of people who've been there as long or longer than me. The last 6 months have been incredibly stressful at work with lots of changes at the company. About a month ago, my anxiety and panic kicked into high gear. I had not been dealing with the physical symptoms as well as I should have (hindsight is 20/20).
I'm seeing a therapist and working with a psychiatrist to help get the anxiety back under control. I am on intermittent family medical leave because I thought I might only need to take occasional days off, mostly in conjunction with therapy or doctor appointments. Last week, after seeing my family doctor (making sure we rule out any other reasons for my insomnia and digestive issues), she suggested I take 6-8 weeks off of work to help me recover. I'm not sure if being disconnected from work will help or not.
I've been staying in touch regularly with my boss to keep her updated. Having to let her know each day if I am working from home has added to my stress level. She has been my boss since day 1, so we really know each other well. One of the challenges she faces is a physical disability that has put her in a wheelchair. She has never been tolerant of people taking sick days. Sometimes I think she is harder on others because she does not let her disability stop her from working.
We had a discussion about what I am planning to do regarding working and going forward. I have not yet solved the anxiety, insomnia or digestive issues, so my main thoughts have been on what is the best way to get better while still staying in the loop and being helpful at work.
I felt like she was pressuring me to make a decision - do you want to continue in your current job which has supervisory responsibilities or do you want to go back to your previous position or are you never going to be able to work again? This sent me on a downward spiral, partly because she was voicing some of the thoughts that have been running through my head. I'm trying to work through these questions as part of this program.
I understand and appreciate her desire to make plans. I think I want to return to my current position as soon as possible, once I'm feeling healthy. During the time lately when I feel like myself, the answer is a resounding yes. When my anxiety level rises, however, I start to question everything.
All I know is what we are doing now, taking it day by day, is not helping me. I thought that family medical leave was supposed to protect you as a worker, to allow you some time to get better. I am hoping we can come up with a mutually agreeable solution.
Thanks for reading my post and letting me vent.
Melanie
