Hi. Your boyfriend seems to be a 'safe person' for you. When you are having these episodes, do you have a cell phone or a quarter on you so you could call him before you get into trouble? Many people with mental illness do have to keep on taking meds throughout their life in order to be able to deal adequately with their lives. Stability can sometimes fool people into thinking that they can come off meds, and in mental illness this is a mistake of overconfidence. Consider that this happened because you came off one of them. I don't know if you decided on your own to wean off the medication, but if so, consider that doing so is not a wise action for you to do, ever. If on the other hand your doc ordered it, then I would have a plan for having a safe person around during the couple of weeks you switch over to another med. We have to trust the knowledge and ability of some people in our lives. I would urge you to always discuss any medication change with your doctor rather than take action on your own, or deal with this on your own. There's no dishonor in asking for extra support while you're adjusting to new meds. You still show some spunk. I disagree with you that your father robbed you of your potential. He may have affected or delayed your ability to reach some of it, but your post shows me that you are angry at what he did, and rightly so. Through all of this vent, you still think of your children and your post shows you care about them. Raising them with love is one heck of a great accomplishment. (abuse is not love, so already you have surpassed the example set by your father) Please don't sell yourself short. I'm sure your children don't. Hope you're feeling better today.

I have just endured the worst three weeks in my attempt at recovery. I don't know how long I can battle this day in and day out. I take three anti depressants and was weaning off one of them. After 5 days completely off them things started to go south. I started having wicked flashbacks and the memories going over and over again in my head. I was partially psychotic. Two weeks ago I was arrested by the police in the middle of the night because they found me wandering down the middle of a fairly major street. I was having major flashbacks at the time and when the cop came toward me to ask questions I lost it. For some reason it was so threatening to me. He had to call for backup because I kept running and the two of them chased me down and arrested me and took me to the hospital. I was fairly close to my own neighbourhood and am really embarrased and think that some of my neighbours or someone I know might have seen this whole thing go down. The hospital experience was a nightmare. First the police kept me in handcuffs for 6 hours until I was admitted. I was put on a 72 hour hold. I was still half in the present and half in the past. Once I was admitted they put me in a locked observation room that had a glass front and a camera running 24/7. There was also a light that never went off so the camera could capture everything. They took my clothes and my shoes. The shrink there was a nightmare and he intimated that I may have made it up about the sexual abuse. (nobody could make such a horrifying tale) and said he was opening the door so I wouldn't be able to make up something about him. He kept threatening to hold me for 15 more days and when I protested he told me if I didn't change my attitude he would have me restrained. I only talked to him there was not even the slightest hint of violence or a flip out by me. I finally got out of the hospital. I went to see my shrink three days ago. He told me not to worry about what happened and that it is not unusual to have setbacks like this one. He is a great guy and I know he only said that to make me feel more normal. But really who wouldn't know that what happened is not normal. I have now lost any delusions of ever reco