Really could use advice here as I have no idea what I am really dealing with. The latest - my girlfriend and I had an absolutely wonderful weekend - but I am afraid it is just another cycle. Friday night she was as clingy and romantic as could be - insisted I sleep over, Saturday we spent the day together - then late afternoon told me she had a date that night and was going only because she had committed prior - but mader me promise to see her after the date and sleep over again that evening, which I did. Sunday we had a wonderful day together - that evening she told me - yet once again - she dosn't want to date any one else any more and wants to be in a lifelong committed relationship with me and that she knows I'm the person for her. Well - of course I've been that route before and although we had a great time this weekend - it was primarily due to the fact that I am once again placed in the caregiver position and she now has less stress in those regards because once again I am providing each and everyone of her daily needs. Additonally - the entire weekend - she was happy because we did each and everything that she wanted to do and totally focused on her. Today, Monday AM she kept telling me she wants me for life and was anxious to talk to me about planning a winter vacation with her and talking about our selling our houses and buying a new one together. Now I am not complaining here in that I fully understand now that given what I imagine her illnesses to be at this moment that my role as the caregiver is vital to her well being and happiness of this moment and in that I do love her - it is my choice, and I have for sure freely and willingly made the choice to be there for her as she seems to need. But my question is - is there any hope of change and how do I go about making changes because everytime I change the routine she expects, thats when she stresses out and regresses back into outward deep fits of depression. What am I to do and what am I to expect. Is the rest of our lives - if together - going to be spent this way? Is there a chance for a change in lifestyle to a more normal balanced relationship. She seems in a real happy place at the moment - how long will this last? I really would apreciate any input in that this whole topic of

In my search for infomation here I want to add that my girlfriend takes the following meds. seroquel - 25 mg, nefazodoe 150 mg, temazepam 30 mg and lexapro 10 mg. Can some one tell me if the drugs are a factor and do they cause mood swings as I am experiencing?

Kenny, You are a sweatheart. Your support is outstanding. Your girlfirend is going through a hard time. It will take time for her medication to settle her and take effect. Have you talked to the doctor? Have you tried relaxation techniques? Not only for her, but you as well. Has she tried browsing the "Depression Center". Make you two could walk through it together. There is a lot of important information to look at. Have her take the "Depression Test" and send a copy to her doctor. This will better asssess her situation. Make sure you take of yourself as well, you will be of no help to her if you are worn down and tired. She does have to do some of this progression by herself, and needs to move forward with this. Try the suggestions above and stay strong. Josie

as a follow up and update - as time has progressed - my girlfriend and I are pretty much together now every day. I stopped calling her and now she is constantly calling me - asking me over - we spend an unusual amount of time together now - she wants me to hold her and be there for her - and she can't tell me enough that she loves me. But this is like the two to three month cycle we go thru and I am again part and parcel of her love - being drawn into caring for her needs and life as was typical before. I have to guess that this is a typical pattern of depression but I do need advice. I know to be as supportive of her as possible - I can't get her into therapy although she is on meds - Lexapro and others - yes I know I am codependant in that I am even in this relationship - but I do love her and I am staying by her side in her time of apparent need - but what should my expectations be and what is my best approach in dealing with her. Any ideas, comments or suggestions? I really need advice here.

In this case - for sure the depression came first and it was in a real big way. I believe she hasknowingly suffered from depression for years and she expresses her feelings of such dating back to her teen years. But you make some real good points here that I am thinking about and you could be right in that the relationship issues pre-date perhaps the depression - as she does not have functional relationships with her father, sisters or now even with her daughters. Her life seems to be fully consumed with herself. As a status update here, although she allegedly broke off from me - now two weeks ago, we have talked on the phone and it seems when she is lonely- she calls me and invites me over her house. Last night - we had a good strong respectful conversation about our relationship and I could tell she was anxious and not wanting to be left alone. Her position however she presents firmly - that she wants to continue dating - I think she is referring to one exclusive individual who is now in her life but I am not sure - and she thinks it, "best for me" that we have no contact. I departed her house whereby we were very close emotionally and she was hugging my tight. This is the part I do not understand and not understanding depression and how it works, I am further confused as i have always noticed that whatever decision she has to make, she has difficulty with and in any event - even if she comes to the point of a decision - it usually changes in very short order. So I am curious from individuals with experience or advice - what am i dealing with here - am I chasing a red herring in that I love and want this woman or perhaps are we both chasing red herrings here and in the interim - what do I do and should I be contacting her, giving her time, or what should I be doing here? So normall

Sorry to hear of your story, and the emotional pain you have had to face. Probably most people with depression have some kind of feelings of alone-ness, and often caused by relationship problems, according to what some therapists have told me, and what some of my friends have experienced. I just wonder if the depression comes first, and then the relationship problems follow? I was reading on the internet about Love and Survival by Dean Ornish, M.D., and I thought it was very interesting. I too feel rejected by certain people...but interestingly enough, my husband has been a steady anchor for me through all my ups and downs. Maybe I am feeling the way you are, but for different reasons. My husband isn't rejecting me, but for some reason his love for me does not seem like its enough. It's like I have a bottomless pit for love, and just can't get enough of it, and don't know how to overcome this feeling. It always leads to more rejection; of other friends I mean. How can we have more self respect and move on?

I just wanted to add here that I am 52 and my girlfriend is 48. I was married for 18 years, 76 to 94 and my ex wife initiated divorce on the basis she didn't love me any more. My girlfriend was married 2 times prior, first marriage producing two children and the second marriage was short term. She initiated the divorce in both cases.

My girlfriend of 7 months now suffers from major bouts of derpession which I have only recently come to understand. We seem to go in cycles as to ups and downs in her being in and out of the relationship however for about the past six weeks she has really intensified the closeness of our relationship and even began discussing getting married to me. I have always advised her that I love her and would marry her when she was ready. I should mention here that she always seems to be in a stressful state and tends to neglect the basics of the day becoming much reliant upon my becoming her caregiver. I had beed noticing on several occasions that during times she was normally spending with me that there were unexplainable absences. All of a sudden out of the blue - with no warning at all, on a Thursday eve at about midnight, all the while were having a very romantic evening, she walks me to the door and advises that she needs some space over the weekend. I say sure, not really knowing what she was talking about. She calls me Saturday afternoon and announces that we need to talk, will I meet her in a public place. We meet, she is very upset and she informs me she went out on a date the night before, that she did not know why but she did. We talk and end with romance in our conversation her indicating that she wants to be in a committed relationship with me. I take her home telling her I'll call her to do something in the early evening - and around 6:30 that afternoon she called me stating that she thought she was depressed because she slept the whole afternoon away. I said I would come over and visit - she replied she needed her space. She didn't say it but she had gone out til about 1:00am. I called her Sunday morning, like every other Sunday, asking her what she was doing and she told me she had plans. I was upset and asked her why she didn't let me know earlier and asked what was up. She stated that I did not own her and she could do as she pleases and hung up. Early that evening she telephoned me asking me if I would meet her at her house and talk. I went to her house at about 8:00pm at which time she was just getting home from what appeared to be a day at the beach. She at that time was very clingy and lovey dovey and we sat down and she spoke tel