I really need help and would appreciate any. I am suffering with extreame MDD right now, and am having several immediate problems. I have a family history of MDD (grandmother, mother, sister and myself). My grandmother jumped off a bridge and committed suicide when my mother was two. My sister has been inpatient twice for it. I lived with it up until recently with no major/severe issues. However, the older I get, the worse the disease seems to get. I am 29 right now. I went to my primary care doctor in September and asked to be put on medication. I also convinced my mother to ask her doctor for depression medication in December. Both my mother and sister seem to be doing fine now. However, it is a completely different story for me. I felt better for a little while after going on medication. But, now am feeling worse than I have ever felt in my entire life. I really need immediate help. I know that most of you would say call someone, or go to the hospital, etc.... The problem is that I know all of the right things to do because I have two degrees in Psychology and have worked as a mental health counselor. I currently sell depression medication for a pharmaceutical company. Thus, admitting that I am crazy and suicidal to people that I know or on record where people could find out does not seem to be an option for me. Which is why I have come here. I need to know what I can do to ease my deep pain and refrain from ending my life, and hopefully get better without going through the regular channels. I feel very much that this is how my grandmother must have felt right before she jumped. I just feel soooooo trapped and desperate because I am the one that is suppose to help everyone else, be responsible and take care of everything. But, the weight is getting to much to bear. I know how hurt my family would be if I were to commit suicide and that is pretty much the only thing that is stopping me. I really don't want to screw them up that much more. Please let me know if you can see any solution to this problem.
