Hi. I haven't posted for a long time but you know me. You know what I have been through with my husband. Remember what you told me about you have to take care of yourself and you can't do anything to change the other person. They are so true. You can't make them take meds (This I know from my husband). You can't make them not go into a bar. (This I know from my husband), and you can't make them get better. You need to take care of yourself, your kids, and your life. I am so much better and stronger. If you keep going through the darkness, there is light on the other side. You will see that you are NOT to blame for this.

Hey sweety i am so sorry you are hurting so bad. i didnt know he was treating you so bad. you know what is the right thing to do. like i said it isnt really my place to tell you what to do in this situation. i know you are making the right decision though. you arent his punching bag. Gabbi you have enough to deal with right now you dont need him to make it any harder. ive never met you but i still care about you as a friend. i want you to be happy and if its not with this creep you would be better off by your self. do what is right for you. he had his chance to be with a great person and he blew it. he messed up not you remember that. you tried to work it out taking him to therapy and everthing else you did to try to work it out and from what you told me he hasnt put in any effort. Gabbi if you feel this is the right thing to do its because your gut is telling you to do it. you said you spoke to your mom about it the other day do you think you can stay with her for a while? because you need some real family support right now.I know you will make the right choice whether you give it another try or leave. always know you have a friend here. im always here if you ever want to talk. Kat

Thanks for your encouraging words i hope i have enough strength to follow through with it.I broke down while on the phone to my mother last night they are coming to my house for the weekend cause its my daughters birthday sunday.I just dont feel like im coping at the moment very well im so tired.My hubby isnt doing anything to help himself last night he got home after midnight he had been at the pub and he dosnt bother to apologise anymore or make up excuses as to why he was out so late.So i suppose i will make myself go through Christmas then i will leave i dont want to waste anymore time if he cant help himself i cant do it for him and its making my anxiety/depression worse by staying in this hostile relationship so i guess i know what i have to do its just a matter of doing it.Im scared to leave but staying is making me worse. Kat in short my husband is a compulsive liar and has an alcohol and gambling addiction but refuses the help he needs.Anyhow a rundown on my marriage to get you up to date.I was in a violent relationship from 1993 had my son in 95 then finally escaped him in 98 met hubby in 99 moved in with him a few months later then in mid 2000 had my second son got postnatal depression bad then hubby decided the way to deal with that was to go to his mates house every night get stoned/drunk and come home in the early hours in the moring so i got fed up with that and kicked him out our son was 6mths old then.In the Jan of 2001 met the absolute love of my life someone who actually treated me like a princess he would rush home from work to see me he also had a daughter who lived with him as his partner/her mother died when she was only 9mths old.she was 3 at the time it really was the best most happiest time of my life when i was with him and i still grieve for what couldve been but in april my grandma died and i was super close to her so i was devastated and hubby decided he wanted his family back so he was trying all that he could so with my parents pressuring me and i had a fallout with my sister over having the relationship after hubby and i split i felt like i had to get back with hubby so i told the love of my life that i had to go back to hubby and although he understood why he and his daughter was devastated so was i.I had to move away from th

Gabbi, Good for you. I think you are going in the right direction. As least you can say that you tried. Always remember that you have people here to talk to. Lots of hugs Sharon

Hi, Gabbi. This is a very assertive move on your part, which is great because you're actually taking some action. Good for you! I hope your husband does decide to continue therapy and work things out. Just know that it has to be his decision. He has to want to get better for himself before he will ever get better for you. I know its hard to be affectionate to someone when they're not treating you well. Let him know that if he wants more affection he has to give it to eventually earn it.

Hi Gabbi, I dont know exactly what you are going through with your husband if I could talk to you on the CBT buddies program i would probably get a better idea on whats going on but as i said before that program doesnt work on my computer, but anyways i hate to see that you are in an unhappy place right now regarding your marrage. what is really going on? you havent really said. all I know Gabbi is that right now is the time when you need him most. depression is hard and he needs to be supportive. im not sure what hes done or hasnt been doing but I think you have a handle on things you taking him to your therapy sessions isnt wrong. He should be more than willing to go. its his wife and he should be able to address any problems between the two of you he shouldnt get defensive over that. you are just trying to do all you could to save your marriage. i know its hard but you are trying your best to save your marriage. But Gabbi maybee he doesnt deserve someone like you. As for what you said about him wanting you to be more affectionate I think its hard to be affectionate with someone thats being like that. Where does he get off telling you to be more affectionate when hes treating you bad. its no wonder you put up a wall. you are only trying to protect your self from getting hurt. youve been trying so hard to keep your marriage together Gabbi. has he done the same? it shouldnt be one sided. if your not being "afectionate" enough its because of all the crap he did so in my opinion do what is best for you. dont fake it just to please him its not worth it and he isnt worth it. I want you to be happy and having a jerk like that around isnt helping. im not gonna tell you to just leave him because that isnt my place. I just want you to be happy Gabbi and if its not with your husband you know what to do. someone like that doesnt help your situation with depression hes making it worse.its like you told me before through sickness and health right? do what is best for you but remember that you went to therapy with him and you did everything you could so if he loses you its his loss not yours. please keep in touch and let me know whats going on with you. i want nothing but the best for you Gabbi. your friend Kat. sorry this post is so long.

Im sure many of you have read that my marriage has been going less then well for a while now well today i took my husband to the doctors without him knowing he was to be seen as well.I told him that i wanted him to come in with me when i was seen.So when we were in there i told him he was going to be seen aswell.Talk about throwing yourself in the deep end.I could tell he wasnt happy about that but he told me later that he wasnt angry with me he knows he has many issues to deal with and as i told my psychologist if im to leave this marriage i want to know ive done all that i can to save it if you get what i mean.I know i probably should of left long ago and i am giving him this last chance to seek help and if he continues down his wayward path i am outa here regardless.I have told him this and i think he understands at least im hoping he does.Whilst in with the doctor he was very reserved didnt want to admit to much but he had to because i was there he said he dosnt want to go on meds so he has to have some bloodwork done to rule out anything else and he has another appointment next week so i will keep you posted.BUT i would like some advice on one thing if anyone can offer me some my hubby has told me he wants more affection from me but as much as i want to try to be affectionate with him i cant put past me all the horrid things he has said and done to me so i sort of put up a wall because that way what he says and does dosnt hurt me as much how do i get past that resentment?Am i doing the right thing?? Will keep you updated on how we are going(or not going :confuse:) Gabbi.