That intro may be overly dramatic - I'm not saying I have any thoughts of doing myself harm, more just an increasing desire to be released from the daily emotional pain I go through. I've never engaged in any suicidal attempts, unless you count excessive drinking, smoking and risky (unprotected) sexual behavior as some kind of subliminal attempt to do myself in. I've already been through the whole panic attack thing - out of control attacks for 3 years which I finally recovered from by doing alot of reading and a good internet self help group. Funny thing is during that whole time I didn't FEEL depressed, whereas now I definitely feel it. I got myself out of a bad marriage and subsequently have had several failed relationships with others that have left me feeling empty, hopeless and ALONE. I'm here because I really don't know how to get over this. I'm not willing to take depression meds - I've seen what it does to others - becoming a zombie and losing all touch with any kind of feelings whatsoever is not the way I want to get past this. Why even be alive if it means popping a pill every morning to keep you from feeling anything? Although I have parents and siblings that care for me, I don't feel I have anyone to turn to. I don't want to burden my family (they have their own problems to deal with), and feel guilty as it is that I have let depression take over my life. I SHOULD be happy - I have my health, my home, and success in my career.....but I am ALONE, and that is something I just can't seem to get past. I guess if I felt it was a temporary thing it would be one thing, but after all that has happened I feel like I am destined to live out the rest of my life by myself, and the thought of that is more than I can bear. I know I can't be the only one that feels like this...that's why I'm here. Any advice would be great.
