Confused:
I don't think of the scripts like an addition, because if things are going well in my life I happily drop them with no "withdrawal". But they are a coping mechanism of some kind, to deal with stuff I find overwhelming. But what I can't figure out is why I find emotional self-flagellation comforting. As you say, the things we make habits of generally have some pay-off, but it's like finding that slamming your head into a brick wall helps cure your headaches. Part of me thinks that if you've had to deal with tough stuff as a kid, returning to something familiar can feel comforting, no matter what it is.
I think your Victim idea sounds interesting, and like you say, there's some kind of self-support mechanism in there. My script, if it has a type, is very hostile. Imagine a drill sergeant standing screaming into your ear about how worthless you are to the world, and what a complete flop you are etc. etc. The only thing I can think that achieves is it inhibits me from taking any risks, because it tells me I will not only fail, but humiliate myself and further annoy people who already think little of me. So maybe it is about risk-averse behavior, I don't know. I think there's also a quite egotistical control theme going in them too. In the end, it's all about me, things go wrong because of me, if someone is curt, it's because of me, etc. etc.
And as for the world that doesn't make sense, I suppose it comes from having worked very hard, and having reasonable success on the professional side, only to wake up and realise the rest of my life is in a shambles and I have nothing of value to offer other people outside of a work environment. But somewhere I had the idea if you were a "good person" worked hard, was honest and upstanding, etc. etc., things would work out fine. But that's not really true. People want more than some robot, and quite reasonably so. And I lack those skills so I find myself a failure in a social/emotional sense, without ever really having had a fighting chance. So I don't blame other people for the situation, but I know I don't fit because of my lack of social/emotional skills and the upshot of the experience is rejection, for reasons that I can understand in my head, but struggle with all the same.
I shoul