You and me both patrick! cant get the thing to work for me at all. Seem to just be able to get myself motivated enough to post and view stuff but i know to most people the time is out of wack with the u.k apart from yourself. Terrified this mornig. Have to go out. 1st time driving for a while. thee panics and sweats wont stop. Have to collect my meds from the supermarket. sounds silly but its such a big challenge. shop too large, too many people and I will have to stand and wait. the thought of passing out in front of people is making the panic worse. i have to do this. Small step but to me its huge. Would love to get on the im. the litlle messenger box pops up but then nothing, cant get into it at all. x

Hi, I'm getting really depressed because I'm connecting to the internet by wireless and it keeps crapping out on me - especially when I'm trying to stay online in the DC IM!!

Itsjustme, I'd say that it's more than 'good' to go out to the weddings and the showers and all the rest even when you feel like death warmed over. You don't have to smile all the time either. Keep a neutral face. The more sensitive of your friends will see that you're in need of help and, who knows, the stronger among them will want to know if they can help you in some way. But if you really do NOT want to go to a function, then don't. Do what is best for you. Call and say you are having a 'headache' (white lie is okay,no?) and then lie on the couch with a good book or watch the telly. What I'm saying is be good to yourself during the hard times. Be 'selfish' and stay home or spend the $30 on an hour at the local Spa and get a massage. Or save the $30 and get a bubble bath liquid that you like and steep your bones in the tub for an hour. When I was a denizen of the corporate world I used to rise from my desk promptly at 12:30 pm, lunch time, and walk into the boardroom, right to the back and lie down on the plush carpet with a few files under my head and sleep for exactly an hour,. Then I'd return to my desk after the refreshing nap and calmly eat the sandwich filled with my favourite stuff and continue working. Yes, I had people tell me I was an "old fart" (at 35yrs old) because I slept during the lunch hour while they had 'fun' at a liquid lunch, but they didn't have to live in my skull, did they? Yes, I'd smile and say "Yup!". Big drinking, depressive nit that I was at the time I still knew what my mind needed. What I didn't understand until 10 years on was that nightly boozing was doing the most damage to what was already a depressed mental system.

thanks for the replies. I did talk to my fiancee and close friend about how i felt. you're right about articulating how i feel. I think it's hard for others to know what we are going through unless you articulate it. I will try that with my family. i just can't stand going through each day struggling, is there an easier way to get through the day? I go through the motions of each day, waking up, going to work, working, coming home. I just feel as if lately it's harder, i force myself to get out of bed. this last month was hectic, birthdays and weddings to attend. I went to these events, and put on a happy face. I want to get better and not stay at home and feel down. i struggle to go out, i force myself to go to these things. Is that good or not, I don't know. I know i have to keep living, keep going, but I can't stand the struggle and effort i put to do it. It's tiring. I just dont' know if that's how it's going to be for the rest of my life. Is it?

Just me, what the counsellor says is the best thing for you. Divide your time on this site between the Support Group and taking small doses of the Sessions - I know it's hard sometimes to 'work it' and that it seems more satisfying to talk and read with the members than it is to apply the lessons of the Session. I could take my own advice and keep moving in the Sessions but, you know, I really need the members and their thoughts during this difficult time I'm going through right now with moving back to Canada from South Africa and being without my wife for maybe 6 months to a year while she waits for Resident Status papers from the Canadian Government.

Just me, Hello, and thanks for posting and telling us about yourself and the crap you're going through right now. We understand and want to help. The work situation is tough for you but I do think that it is okay for you to explain to your family and friends what is going on with you and that depression is not like having a case of the sniffles. It is a debilitating mental problem and you are working to deal with it by using medication and your will to be happy. Happy comes in small doses - aren't you satisfied and proud of yourself because you're dealing with a major personal problem? You should be. You're brave and you know that you have to struggle to make your life easier. The "happy face" can do you a disservice when what you really need to do is articulate the pain that you feel to your friends - help them understand that you not trying to 'bring them down' but that you need their help and sympathy Talk to us some more

itjustme, Welcome to our support community and thanks for sharing your story. Take a look at the program and see the difference it can make. It is 16 session and meant to be worked through slowly. You can be active in your progress and the members do know what you are going through. Take time to post and ask questions, we are always here for you :) Josie, Support Specialist

Hi, I just found this website and I'm glad. I have been diagnosed with depression last year. I broke up with my boyfriend of 7 years, started seeing someone that my parents didn't like, and was physically attacked at work. After the attack, my employer did nothing to help me I felt betrayed. I was so down about the break up. I thought i was going to marry that guy. All my family said was snap out of it, life goes on. i tried but it didn't work. When i started seeing someone my parents didn't like, that gave me more stress. I tried to move on, yet this guy wasn't good enough. All i had was work to keep me going and when i got attacked, and my employer didn't help me, i felt like i had nothing. I never felt so down in my life. I just shut down. I didn't go to work. I didnt' care if i was fired. i didn't talk to my friends, or family about anything going on. i didn't care about anyone or anything going on around me. The only reason I went to a psychiatrist was because my employer didn't believe i was depressed. I had to get diagnosed and provide a written letter. I was so embarassed. After I submitted the letter, I was allowed a leave of absence. During this time, I took my meds as prescribed, but i didn't do anything all day. I stayed inside. I went to the psychiatrist and i started to feel better. Then my friend helped me get a job as a secretary. So i quit the other job and started working as a secretary. I am so grateful to my friend to get that job for me, because i was staying indoors all day. This way I go out of the house. It was a little difficult and sometimes still is to interact with others at work. But i feel better working because I do not think as much. Well i feel good to find this website and express my thoughts, because i feel as if no one else like my friends or family understand me. they think because i've made progress and take my meds i'm ok. Sometimes i feel as if i put on a happy face for them, when all i want to do is go home and cry. i wonder if i will ever get better and not feel so down. Some days are ok, but recently i feel as if it's so hard to go to work, get out of bed on the weekends. i force myself and tell myself 'if you don't get out of bed, everyone will know something's wrong.' so i get out of bed. I try my best not to cry until the night time because no one is awake. I feel as if it's a struggle to feel happy. i don't know if this is normal and if this is going to last my whole life. I'm tired of putting a happy face on. I hope to speak with you all here soon. Thank you for letting me express all my thoughts.

Hello all you new members that I see listed on the Home page each day. I tried for hours this morning to access the site but couldn't get on. Very frustrating , especially when I see three names of new members who are just looking and reading and probably wondering how it would be if they posted something, anything on the site here. Please just go ahead and talk to us. We understand the need to vent AND the need/inability to say anything. Just say Hello. Let us know that you're there and living through it all... Thanks Patrick