Although I can't comment on the relationship stuff (I'm in my first true love relationship now in my 40s ... although not for lack of interviewing candidates!), I can speak to the alcohol thing.
Like a lot of folks here, I grew up in a rotten home. Alcohol was available for the snitching at any time and I learned early that it provided me with a wonderful escape from feeling miserable.
Unfortunately alcohol is a depressant plus it lowers common sense. Add those together with a dose of clinical depression and you have a recipe for the bleakest, darkest depression imaginable.
I finally sobered up when I was 27. I haven't had a drink in over 20 years. I found that AA worked for me, I went to tons of meeting the first decade of my recovery, worked the program, spent time with people who had a solid grip on their sobriety, got a sponsor immediately. In other words, I finally did something I was told to do. :) Not my best thing, but it worked.
Getting rid of the booze did change the depression dramatically. At least the suicidal part of it ... I still had work to do, but gradually I discovered that the thoughts of checking out went away. I haven't had a suicidal thought in almost 10 years.
Getting sober is not easy, but it's simple ... put the plug in the jug, do whatever you have to do to keep it there. Period. Join AA, take antibuse from your doctor, get therapy, do whatever you have to to stay sober.
Nothing comes before my sobriety, not my partner (whom I would die for), not my work, nothing. It is at the very top of my "to do" list in life. If I drink, I lose everything else so it has to be my priority. And I would do absolutely [b]anything[/b] to not return to that pit of dispair I experienced when I was drinking. I never want to feel that bad again and will do whatever I have to in order to not go there.
It's been my experience that folks who suffer depression frequently use alcohol. Seems like a lot of us found some solace there in the beginning then spent years chasing that same feeling ... to no avail. The solution became the problem.
If you are depressed, you simply cannot drink and expect to get past the depression. I have never seen an exception to that and I've been around juice heads and depressed people for a long time. The two are a lethal combo.
I know I'm not the only sober one here at the Depression Center. If anyone needs to talk about that issue, I'm happy to swap stories or to just listen. Start a thread about it and I bet you'll get a lot of good, solid words of wisdom from people here who have been through it.
Someone told me early in my sobriety that you cannot will away alcoholism any more than you can will away diarrhea. You have to fess up if it's a problem and do the mental medicine required. Or not. ~shrug~ I'm not a preacher about it, but I know from experience that booze turns the blues into blacks.
