OMG!  I cannot believe  you know what I`m talking about!  THANK YOU SO MUCH for replying!  YES!  When the police had to "remove" him from our house, they asked me if he was using meth!  HE`S NOT!  The symptoms of this EID are very similar to meth users!  THEY ARE VIOLENT!  My son says he hates himself when he feels these "rages" coming on, but can`t control them.  He also doesn`t remember much of them after he`s calmed down.  He apologizes within an hour or two, but at the time of the outbursts, HE`S SCARY!  PLEASE keep in touch!  THANK YOU!!  Sincerely,  exhausted  

hi exhausted, I think you have to look at what you are doing to yourself. you did the best you could! I have young children and have been living with my bipolarity (manic-depression) untreated for YEARS. I have made mistakes, I have made good choices, and I have done My best. you changed your whole life for your son!! you left a relationship and a well known environment to do what is best for jr. What he is is one part you and many other parts... environment... genetics... family... friends... tv... and HIS CHOICES. at 19 you have been letting him do somethings on his own, and still you feel he is your baby (well if he blames you for HIS problems HE needs to look at what kind of adult HE wants to be). As parents we are easy scape-goats and as depressives we easily take on the role. Exhausted, do not put yourself into the position. Look after yourself for a bit ... splurge on a cantalope and blueberries (very rich in minerals that help the brain chemistry) or other good foods that will help your body heal. Stress and depression leave physical scares in the body. Rest; your body need to put all its resources into healing not running the rat-race. Do something pleasant - i know you do not feel like it - if you did you would not be depressed :p but a bit of pleasure (esp if it stimulates your mind or exercises your body) will get the brain back on track towards a healther chem balance. a therapist should be there for you to vent and help you to see how you are dealing with the stress, and they should give you -suggestions- to help you see outside the box and set you on the path to your solutions. so thinking outside the box... is your son's demands for money used to fuel a bad habit? could you insist that you will provide meds, and food but no cash? Or any abuse will be met with resistance - be nice boy for a reward... hey! it's how I am training my 5 year old Tiamat! :) and I have lived with enablers and their manipulators for the longest time - so rock the house and allow your spouse to help you! he is in the relationship with you because of something good (not just intimacy) so take advantage of the fact that you are not alone. Your EX has an equal responsibility - if you did not do a perfect job of parenting (like most human beings) well you can let the god-of-family-and-positive-parenting fix the situation. Last time I checked it took two cells to make one baby! ;p you mentioned that your son blames you, your ex blames you, your new spouse and daughter are sensitive to the situation ... and yet you have some solutions... you have a diagnostic, you have encouraged him to seek phamacological help, and now you suggest theraputic help. You now have to see why you are guilty. you have done your best. Your son aside, who are you now? are you only his caregiver like you were when he was 6 months? are you only the hotel-manager (role) that every teen delegates their parents to ? are you your young man's excuse to not growing-up and moving on to the big (SCARY)adventure of self-reliance and independance of adulthood? Guilt is not your third child, it is something that the cat dragged in. Do not get shakled down by this energy-black-hole and truely enable you son to grow into the young man you saw in his shiny eyes 18 years ago! Exhausted you are not being cruel, not brutish if you say NO. It hurt the little ones but you know through your life experiences, that children need NO. and I might be completely wrong, i tend to ramble on and on sometimes so it is part of my hypomania and tactlessness. let me know if i hit a tree instead of the barn...

Hi, I don't have kids, so my opinion isn't worth much, however I want to say something. You need to stop thinking about what is good for your son and instead be totally about YOU! what is good for you. You can hand on heart say you did your best, ignore your ex who wants to blame you for your son, blame is just an easy way to stop feeling guilty yourself. 19 he is an adult. I moved out when I was 17, I have made mistakes, screwed up royally. But there is it. I guess what I am trying to say is, in my opinion, give him your love and support but not at the expense of your health and happiness. Because if you make yourself ill or hurt then you both lose. Take care of yourself Eliza

Hello, I am new to this site. I originally started with having anxiety and panic attacks (I still do) which led to me getting depressed. I sometimes feel so hopeless at things and end up thinking about the future. I have been getting support from my loved ones and am seeing progress in myself. Nice to meet you all. Dear Exhausted, I'm sorry you have to be going through all that. I just want to tell you not to give up and keep sending your son your love, somehow. Communicating was always important to me(it's really difficult, I know) and I think because of it I am seeing some light in my life. Even if he rejects it, keep sending him your feelings, please.

A chat group for depressives is a strange thing. Although we understand, at any given time, a lot of us are too depressed to respond. Letting go of your children is one of the hardest things we have to do as parents. A divorce and a move and a new relationship are serious stressors for everyone. And just BEING a teenager is stressful. At 19 in this day and age, he is not an adult, but he is certainly not a child. Can you help him? I don't know. You have to try of course but at some point you have to admit that you can't fix everything. Perhaps he could move back with his father.

Thanks Dumpling. I was starting to feel like no one understood. My son is also full of anger and hate. I know i need to let go, but it`s tearing me apart inside. I have lost over 20 lbs (the stress diet), and can`t bring myself to eat. I, like your husband, bail him out without telling my spouse (not my son`s "father")to avoid conflict between the two of them. Basically, to keep the peace. My son blames me for everything that is wrong with him. His Dr. has put him on a small dose of Cipralex for anxiety, and now has discovered that he has a bleeding ulcer and is on meds for that as well. I`ve told him that medication alone won`t help the anxiety attacks that he gets. He needs to get councelling, but that won`t happen. He knows he has a problem. I feel like I owe him. When I divorced I moved from one Province to another with the kids to start a new life. My ex also blames me for the way our son has "turned out" because we moved away. I`m burning my candle at both ends, and I just want to be happy again. :-( I hope to hear from you again.

There is noting harder for a mother than a kid in trouble. You relate so strongly to them that when they mess up you feel responsible. Don't I know it. It took until he was 21 before I could convince myself not to feel guilty every time my #2 son got himself in a mess. I blamed myself for everything. Sometimes his dad would bail him out without telling me so I wouldn't get upset. Now at 39 he tells us that his father is responsible for everything that is wrong with him and his life. So, if you don't tell him now that he is responsible for his own life, you will regret it. My son has everything in the world. He is rich and successful and has a beautiful wife and two lovely daughters. But he is constantly angry and full of hate. Help your son now while you have a chance. Good luck. Keep posting.