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for 15 år siden 0 +0 / -0 538

Helllo Sheba,

Well glad some of your trip was nice. I can imagine saying goodbye to your boyfriend must have been really difficult.

Sorry to hear your trip with your parents went poorly. Hang in there. Me and my dad used to have that problem. Now he totally gets me. I have a great relationship with him now. I know it is not for sure that one day you and your parents will see eye to eye but I am just saying it is not completely impossible.

Anyway, please keep us posted on how you are doing. And thank you for your support in my other thread.

for 15 år siden 0 +0 / -0 185

I spent 10 days with my boyfriend. Almost beautiful days. But since we are living far away it is difficult to say good bye every time. (he also had a little fight with one of my dogs and I got upset... but I still hope that they became friends again)

Sheba is a little out of her mind and decided that she suoldn't let him out of the house. He used a very hush tone with her and she got scared and so I got mad with him and I spent almost half an hour trying to calm the dog and myself. I was outside with the dog and him inside.... and he got a little gelous of the dog... Now I'm loughing thinking at the incident :)

Then he also got depressed thinking that he would have to return to work... Appart this it were really beautiful days.

We visited Sibiu that was the European Cultural Capital in 2007. It is a very nice edieval town and also spent 5 days in the hills with the dogs doing traking.

Then the "nice" trip with my parents... if you can immagine my father wanted to drive me to Rome where I had a meeting with two of my prof. We also visited some places in Europe but was not vacantion. It was almost a head washing for me. Trying to convince me of what I should be doing that I should work in university or in a big copany etc etc.

And not to mention a really bad and when they told me that they are supporting me and that I'm acting strange and that I'm not being respectful etc....

for 15 år siden 0 +0 / -0 1890

Hope you had some sort of pleasure on your vacation, Sheba, and that it wasn't all just tension and strain. Were you with your parents all the time, or just at the end? I'm not surprised at your parents at all. I'm sure they sound just like most ageing parents. They'd like you to move back home and get a "nice" job nearby and get married eventually and present them with a grandchild or three! It's love but it's overbearing love. Tell them you don't buy the guilt trip about their health...and it's not necessary for them to "work for you"...

Patrick

for 15 år siden 0 +0 / -0 3043

Hi Sheba,

It's good to hear from you again! I'm sorry that you're having difficulties getting your parents to understand you. You are correct in that you must make your own decisions.

Your parents have difficulties understanding you partly because they don't want to and partly because they are afraid for you.

They've made decisions for you while you were growing up and feel they can continue, that's the not wanting to understand. The afraid part comes in because they don't have any way to make sure you succeed if you go your own way.

They have yet to understand that you are entitled to independence from them. They can't understand why you wouldn't want their help. It is difficult for alot of parents. It's difficult for me. I tried to get my daughters to "see things my way" and put myself through alot of anguish because of my fear of "what would happen" to them. It wasn't until I realized that I had no control over this and they could make their own decisions, my parenting days were finished. The issues I have with my younger daughter stem from moral and ethical issues, I do not support what is against what I believe. As far as how she wants to live her life, I have dropped the apron strings, for better or worse.

You said that your parents have alluded to health issues you are causing - true? This is a form of manipulation whether they are aware of it or not, and regardless of whether they are are having issues or not. My reaction to my daughter's rebellion caused me health issues and their reaction to your independence is causing them health issues. Your independence isn't causing the health issues, you can't carry blame for having a difference of opinion. Your parents are being unfair when they say you are causing their health issues because they are saying that you can hurt them by having a difference of opinion than they do. If you are respectful in asserting your independence and your decisions are not meant to hurt your parents you have done all you can. You aren't responsible for the fact that they are unable to accept what you are telling them.

I hope this issue gets better for you Sheba. It's a difficult one and the struggles are very real, but they will pass. Hang in there!

for 15 år siden 0 +0 / -0 1693

Welcome back Sheba!

I think it is a great goal to want to be independent and to make your own mistakes and learn from them. Good for you!

We're glad to have you back! Hope you had a great vacation

Breanne, Bilingual Health Educator

for 15 år siden 0 +0 / -0 185

I'm back :)

After a month of travel and so called holidays i'm again here and in need to help myself. I need to understand witch way to go and to find enough mental energy to follow my dreams and to take my chances. Yesterday I've just had another really bad discussion with my parents and once again it is clear that they simply can't understand me. And is not my depression getting me to think like that.... I'm different, I would like to be free to make my own mistakes and not t hear again and again that they have health problems because of me and that they work for me and s.o.

for 16 år siden 0 +0 / -0 185

I have my doctor (neurology and psychiatry) that helped me a lot and i'm considering to go to see a counsellor too. But till october is virtually impossible for me to do this too. So i'm trying to do the best i can and to get all the help from my doc , my boyfriend and some intimate friends. The worst thing is the binge eating and 8 months of paroxetine didn't helped...

for 16 år siden 0 +0 / -0 8760

Sheba,

Have you ever considered acquiring additional assistance like counseling to help you along?

Danielle, Bilingual Health Educator

for 16 år siden 0 +0 / -0 185

In my teens i was also self harming. But stopped by myself. So my situation is a little bit complicated. And i have a lot of trauma to address and a lot of wrong or distorted behaves to change... i have a lot of work to do with myself and is not easy.

for 16 år siden 0 +0 / -0 185

Thank you for the suggestion i'll give it a try. :)

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