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for 16 år siden 0 +0 / -0 538

Btw, Sheba, I am taking your advice and have set it up with my mom so I can go work at her house tomorrow. :)

for 16 år siden 0 +0 / -0 538

Hello Sheba,

I know it looks like my husband is depressed. I have come to that conclusion before. HE might or might not be not up to me to figure it out for him. Sometimes he says he is, sometimes he says he isn't... Bleh! Thing is, even when he admits to being depressd he refuses to do anything about it. See in his mind therapy is fine and needed for me as I am the one with the "issues". But he figures he doesn't need the therapy and it wouldn't be helpful to him. He won't go to a support group or try a program like this one either. He will do nothing to help himself! For a long time I figured he stays by me when I am depressed so I have to stay by him when he is depressed. The big differences is he stayed byme while I fought and clawed my way back to health. Right now, I am fighting once again to get better. He does not. I am not sure how long I can stay here and just watch him there sitting, clicking...If he won't help himself I cannot help him. Most of the time he denies he is depressed. Who knows maybe he isn't I am not inside him and I cannot figure it out for him...But if he won't help himself how long do I keep sinking with him before we are both sunk?

I don't even know what to hink anymore. I just can't keep doing this anymore. Because know I need to get better. If I stay here and sink with him who am I helping? Do I stay out of guilt?

But I do love him and I want to fix things. I just don't know if they can be fixed...

Mom of 3,

You are totally right. And I do want to learn how to drive except that driving terifies me lol. Ah well, I will just get over that then and learn how to drive anyway lol.

for 16 år siden 0 +0 / -0 3043

Hi Diva & Sheba,

I have a license to drive, determined long ago to get one - why? I have an aunt that has undiagnosed MDD. Everyone, including my mother, says I am so much like her I should have been her child. (It's all MDD stuff they say we're alike in). She never got her license and growing up I saw how limited that seemed to make her. I did not want that! Her MDD/anxiety issues make her unable to drive. Mine makes me not want to depend on anyone - don't really know what that means but it's a difference between us. Her dependance is the reason I determined to drive and also the feelings you both describe as wanting to run away. It gives me a feeling of independence.

I'm assuming you are not comfortable with driving and you must have a determination to learn. If you live in areas with mass transit then it's not as necessary. I grew up and still live in rather rural areas so driving is your only way to get somewhere without being dependent on someone - perhaps this was a factor in why driving was such a big issue for me.

This is getting long, Diva replying under another thread to your other issue

for 16 år siden 0 +0 / -0 185

I had too a period of playing videogames and chating... is depression with D. Maybe you should try to get him understand that he needs help too.

For the rest get your work out of home. Go maybe in a park near home if you have paperwork or at the library if you need a computer.

It is no use to stay at home only to fight and feel worse. Ps. any public transportation available? I don't have a driving licence too. just didn't have tha time to take classes. and honestly I prefer public transportation for many resons. I have to walk to get the bus and see a lot of people and the city without beeing stressed with traffic.

for 16 år siden 0 +0 / -0 538

As for your question mom of 3,

My husband did not go to work because he stayed up late last night. As such he was late. He was late everyday this week for the same reason. Since he was late yet again he decided to call in sick...He misses a lot of work lately. It makes it hard financially. Also makes it hard on my nerves as I am afraid he will lose his job. He did not want to spend time with me. I had stuff to do anyway (which dod not get done yet again). He is not the one who became upset firts I did. I got upset at his staying home and not doing anything but playing video games. I am there battling my demons to try and get my work done and all I can hear is clicking on the stupid video game. Everything needs doing and he sits there and plays. And if he did it sometimes it would be ok, we all need days off and slacker days. They are fun and we need them. But it feels like that is all he does! I got upset, I needed room. so of course he felt like I did not want him there! Then again in his way he does not want me there either. Everyday it is the same thing. If he is not at work he plays and ignores me. If I want anything from him he gets annoyed or angry. So he is the one who does not want me there! I can be there I just can't really be there if you get what I mean. I can be there as long as I pretned he isn't here. What kind of a marriage is that? I want an adult partner who will back me up! I want a partnership! I want romance and passion. Mostly I want cooperation and companionship! I feel alone and helpless!

Ok I stop now that is like what 5 giant posts today I am so sorry, I am unraveling on public forums! woohoo!

for 16 år siden 0 +0 / -0 538

Ok, some of you must know I am not only on the depression center but on the Panic Center as well as I have had to deal most with anxiety in my life. Btw, it took me forever to come here as depression scares the heck ouot of me, it is one of my phobias lol. Been there done that before wanted to deny and so on. But I am glad I dod come here. You are all great and dealing with depression is not the same as dealing with anxiety. It is just not. But since I am having a bad day and I am running out of time on this computer I will just cut and paste what I wrote on the other forum. I usually try to rewrite but lack energy or time. so here goes:

I went for a walk. I basically ran from home. What is home when it is not home, not a haven anymore? What is home where your house feels like a prison? Like a war zone? So I ran. Yes, I know, running is avoiding. Thing is I don't even know that I want to go back, tonight or ever. Before I left, I tried a peace offering. I asked him to come eat with me at a restaurant and we could talk on neutral ground. He refused. I walked myself straight to the public library. They have an internet connection there and you can make a reservation to use their computer for 2 hours. But there was no computers at the public library, well not the one within walking distance. But I have access to more then one, it is like a network of public libraries. So I reserved one in a farther library. So the great humiliation is I actually needed a ride from my hubby so I could run away from home and from him. How humiliating!I really need to learn how to drive...People everywhere beware and shudder anxiously, I might get a license! Hard to make a getaway on foot sometimes.

So here I am sitting in a public library. Sitting here letting my heart pour out on this forum in front of a gazillion strangers. The man sitting next to me on the other computer is actually close enough I can read his screen lol! And still, with all that, I still feel better here then at home. Sad no? I am not sure how I will go back. He said in the car he doesn't want the marriage to be over, he still loves me but he wants the fighting to be over. I am at the point where I don't think it will ever be. We had a good period because of Oscar's death. He was careful of me and besides a good supply of movies, a bit of attention (I would sit like a ghost next to him and let him play and chat him up a bit, didn't actually ask him to get off the games) and some food. I asked very little of him. Those were needs he could deal with. I didn't care if the house was a mess and nothing got done and I didn't care if I got help or not. I just wanted to watch movies and cry and he helped me through that and did all that very well. He is good with that stuff. But once I start feeling better and I want help with things and I need help sorting our lives, he shuts down. He just stays there and plays. I here his mouse clicking hour after every hour. I feel lonely and helpless. I feel buried under the weight of all the things I need to do and I realize there is no help possible from him. I think the fighting won't stop because the only way it will is if I ask nothing of him. He wants me to act as if he is not there. He pays the bills and I do the rest and ask nothing else. I think that is what he wants from me. That is not a marriage... I am tired of all this. Mostly I am tired that we cannot talk. I am tired of being shut out. He says I don't talk nicely to him anymore and I think he is right. I have become a witch with a b. It is just that after over ten years of begging and pleading for him to hear me, to understand I am out of good words. I have used them all up. I have hurt and anger in my heart. It poisons me and I am choking to death.

I would need us to live seperately for a while. I would need him to have his own space and me my

for 16 år siden 0 +0 / -0 1693

Diva,

Lots of replies in the other thread...hang in there!!

Breanne, Bilingual Health Educator

for 16 år siden 0 +0 / -0 3043

Hi Diva,

I'm sorry your day has been so bad. I have some questions that you don't have to really answer me on but if they have bearing on your situation they might help to reflect on your situation.

Why did your husband stay home today? Did he want to spend time with you? Did he become upset because you had things to get done? Does he feel you don't want him there?

It seems to me that if he thought it was so hard to be with you he would have just gone to work. Maybe I'm off base here but why would he stay home to fight with you? Do you both REALLY hate your marriage? I bet you don't, but marriage is hard (I know that!) Give yourselves some space and then talk about your issues calmly without cursing or throwing things. I bet you'll find out you said some things you didn't mean.

Hang in there Diva, this will pass as well.

for 16 år siden 0 +0 / -0 538

Having a horrible day...Hubby stayed home from work and we have been fighting absolutely about everything. He said he is sick of this marriage and all I could think of is: well yeah so am I! He swore at me and threw things (not at me) so what do I do? I threw things too (well, that is just childish and unproductive of me! Especially since I am the one who will clean all the mess.) Not my best way of solving things. I hate my day. I really do. Am having trouble not generalizing to: I hate my life! but I am fighting it. I really really hate my day. Atm, and I say atm, so I don't generalise, I hate my marriage! He does too so at least for once in our marriage we are on the same page. He won't talk. I am stuck here in silence listening to him click away at his stupid assenine video game because he won't talk. He says he can't talk or he will say bad stuff. Oh and using the F word at me earlier and telling me he is sick of our marriage wasn't enough? Then again I must admit I said bad stuff too. But at least I am willing to talk! He does that all the time. Shuts me out. Expects me to be like a good little doggie and just hush when he tells me to! I am so sick and tired of this! The silence drives me nuts. And here I am needing room to do my crap and do my work and all I can hear is click click click of the stupid computer mouse!!! I am so tired of all this! And he says he is not welcome in his own house cause I needed room! I am not welcome in my house either! And anyway, why would I want to be here! This is not a safe haven! This is a place where I am stuck in a big giant mess, where I have no help and where I can't focus! I am at the point where for today I hate my day, my house, my marriage! I just want to be gone from here! I just want to be gone and have some room and be able to focus and do my work. I want a safe place and a haven where I can face my demons. I hate my day!!!

for 16 år siden 0 +0 / -0 538

Hi you guys, thank you for the support and encouragement! I really appreciate it!. Am having a rough day and still haven't started. Hubby stayed hometoday...from work...it is making it harder for me to do my things especially since we are fighting. MAn I feel stressed and angry and sad and annoyed and all together not positive atm! ARGH!!!

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