thanks faryal, but i doubt my abilities to be supportive. i wonder if my support is support or only making matters worse. i have no self confidence and feel like i'm sinking. i've been so bombarded by "enabling" and "tough love" and "sticking to your guns" - i think i've forgotten how to just listen and be there. what is support anyway? a hug? advice? ultimatums? must have a thick skull- really have no clue sometimes
Sorry to hear it was a tough day for you yesterday. Sounds like your sons were close to their grandmother. The loss of a loved one is never easy, especially when it happened the way it did in this case.
I do hope your younger son gets the help he needs. As for your older son, he has to come out of the denial. You must balance your energies and responsibilities so that you don't crash yourself. After a while, there is nothing else you can do except be supportive when your children need it.
Good luck and please let us know how you are doing.
thanks everyone! yesterday was truly one of the worst days of my life! but seemingly i am still alive.....telling my son through a video screen that his grandma was dead was hell (they had a chaplin there also to talk to him) and then my older son lost it at the funeral. seems he has a drinking problem that his wife and i were unaware of. i feel like the worst mother on the planet! both sons with drug and mental problems, but neither see it or want help!!! what do you do? again, i feel like it's russian roulet every time i open my mouth or do something. seems i always make a bad situation worse. that's why i embrace my agoraphobia - safer in the house keeping my mouth shut and staying busy with the busy work.
I am sorry for your loss. At least you were able to maintain a relationship with your ex mother in law. Mine wouldn't speak to me because I had divorced her son. I wrote her a letter before she died but she never acknowleged it. It is a shame but then I never expected that she would be able to understand.
My thoughts and prayers are with you and your son. I hope he is able to get the help he needs.
I am sorry for Harold's and your loss. I hope your son gets into a treatment facility and that you will feel better soon. My prayers go out to you. Take care and let us know how you are doing.
hi gang, if any of you are praying types, please pray for harold today. he lost his wife of 30 years. she went in for a hernia operation, the surgeons perforated her esophogus, she died 4 days later! she was a good woman, very active in her church, always helping people. i hope she is where she thought she'd be. she was more like a mom to me these last few years. really helped out greatly with my younger son. anyway, pray for me too, if you will. my older son and i have to go to jail and tell my younger son on saturday that his grandmother is dead. he is in jail on drug charges, he had an evaluation while in jail - MDD, GAD (just like mom) and specific learning disabilities. hopefully he will be entering a year long treatment facility - when and if the public defender and state's attorney are not on vacation!! well, it goes without saying, today sucks and i think the best thing i can do for myself is go back to bed, cry it out and brace myself for saturday.......
