hi pete - any way out of this for keeps? probably not - but you manage your illness with medications and support. are you on antidepressants yet? your last post was so sad, it wasn't a stupid poem - diva is right you are too hard on yourself. and wildcat gave you alot of good info there. hang in there pete - nobody said life is fair or easy, we have to take care of ourselves - especially when we have kids, they need us to be as competent as possible. I'm so weak and pointless and full of ego and without direction - that is your depression talking! fight back.......
We all have good and bad days. Hang in there! And be kind to yourself, you are so hard on yourself! Be kind and patient to yourself and feel free to rant with us anytime!
I was worried there for a bit. Thought that cheerful-bugger took a miracle cure and got rid of our friend! Of course I am trying to be humorour. any success?
All our efforts seem to be marked by a plateau or two. We progress our enormous efforts feel like mountain climbing and all of a sudden stuck. We are looking at a rock face turning round and round in a holding pattern. This is the rest period, and the moment where those like me have to assimulate the lessons. These plateau are the moments were I repete something those 21 times for it to start to become a habit.
Pete look back. You did feel good!!! You did make progress!!! Lucky is not for me to judge... Remember you are still stress sensitive, and in the northern hemisphere SAD is about to become a problem for many. You have also been very hard on yourself conerning joining the group for those with social phobia.
So why is every day such a struggle? because you have so many issues that are still unresolved that clang-clong-cling along behind you everyday like the cans on the newly-weds car. Pete you are starting your journey to health and there are a lot good days a head and a lot of miserable days as well.
If you want out of the mud, sorry. you have to plant a garden and nuture it to see that mud is good. and every once in a while add compost. (this is bad language humour)
Well, I was 'feeling good' but right now I feel like I've made no progress whatsover. Just been deluding myself. And I'm such a lucky man - stable family, job, home, no major traumas or disasters in my life - so why why why is everything so difficult, is everyday life so full of darkness and strain and sorrow and moments when the rug is just pulled out from under my feet? How many times can I pull myself up again? What will become of me when I really have to face a crisis? I'm so weak and pointless and full of ego and without direction. Wading slowly through knee-deep mud towards a grey future. Is there any way out of this for good, for keeps??
Wow, all frantic, breathless questions and not even the shadow of an answer. I'm trying the program, but just can't apply myself to it - I have a teflon mind at the moment, nothing sticks. So stick it all in a stupid poem, that's supposed to express it and make things feel better, right? Well, it nails down the despair for eternity, that's for sure, but .........
Burnt myself out now. Down here again. Not too much more to say. Sorry that ranting Pete is back. He was just taking a holiday.
Congratulations on the poem, the webzine and for making it to the door! I bet everyone in that group froze at the door at least once! So hang in there and keep trying. Eventually you will make it in and we willl all be here to cheer you on!
Thanks for sharing the poem with us. I think art or poetry can be part of healing, as it brings out our pain on a level we can't express in normal day-to-day words. You seem to have a real talent with words- I feel as if I am in the poem it is so vividly descibed.
I commented on your blog. "I like though it speaks volumes of the pain we feel with our depression, fear and anxiety". It definitely brings forth emotion for the reader! Or at least this reader! I look forward to your posting more of your poetry in your blog! I hope you will!
Awesome insight is reflected in your poetry! Thanks for sharing!
Of course I am trying to be humorour. any success? 
and every once in a while add compost.
