reading your grief bubbled up mine that is 6 years old. imagine that. old softie that i am ...
oh well time has put a dullness on that edge so it hurts so much less. I am able to love and play with tigre-botte and appreciate the kittens in the store windows now.
just remember that your two othe cats are there to help you and love you. let them. do not lose them. apprecate their differences and their affection.
Thank you for the reply. Yes, he was my fanily and yes very loving and understanding. It did not matter what kind of state I was in he alays had a cuddle and purring for me. I feel like there is a giant whole in my heart.
I am trying to get through. One minute I am in pieces the next, like atm, I am completely numb.I can't feel anything. All I can feel is under all that numbness I can feel my soul bleeding, like a weird pain deep inside. But I can't seem to feel anything. It is an eery sense of calm. I call it when the breaker goes. Like an electric circuit that just blows then nocurrent goes through.
Thank you for the very nice and understanding replies. Thank you for keeping reminding me that I did the right thing, it helps me deal with all my guilt.
As for getting a new Kitten, well I still have two cats here. I had three. I find myself feeling disconnected from them though. I still feed them and make sure their water boll is clean and make sure the have clean litter....But I cannot seem to connect with them at the moment. I have trouble being around them. Isn't it terrible of me? All they want is to love me and for me to play with them and I just can't. Makes me feel like a very mean person.
I know one day my memories of Oscar will be precious and warm. For now, they just hurt, they remind me of all I have lost.I can't even look at his pictures. I am glad I have them though as I know one day I will love to have them to remember him by.
Last nigth I ended up having to take an anxiety pill to fall asleep around 11 pm. I woke up at 3:30 am. So around 6 am when I had not managed to go back to be I took another pill. I feel bad for taking so many but I need my sleep. Waking up is brutal though. Waking up I realize all over again that he is gone.
I am hanging in there. I can barely eat though.I am not hungry. I just basically focus on getting through onne hour at a time.
Thank you again for letting me come here and laying it on you so much. I am sorry for being such a downer. Thank you to you both for your support. I woke up alone at home since my husband had to work and it really helps me through to read your replies. It was like visiting friends. So thank you.
Keep hanging in there Diva! You are going to always miss Oscar, you'll never forget him. Every pet I've ever had the pleasure of having in my life still brings me fond memories. Oscar will do that for you too. Spend some time grieving, it's only natural. Then, as Patrick suggested, find another kitten that can benefit from you being in their life. The new kitten would not be Oscar's replacement but like a new baby, you always have enough love for all in ways that are unique to them.
Please try to be less hard on yourself about Oscar. His life was obviously a great one since he had you in it and I'm sure he'd want you to be happy.
Take care, allow yourself to rest, and let me/us know how you're doing.
That's a lot of grief, Diva. You did the right and merciful thing for Oscar. He knows you wouldn't hurt him and he passed peacefully. Cats always cry a bit in a strange place so don't worry about that... he's at peace now... he'd want you to remember him with love.
Maybe soon you could get a kitten. Give him as much love as you gave to Oscar.
Thank you for your lovely reply. It means a lot to me. All the support I get really helps me through. And your reply came at just the right time, in the darkest part of my night. Thank you.
At the moment, I am just trying to hold on. I try to just keep breathing till the next hour comes about. I ache so badly. I can't eat. I obviously can't sleep a whole night at a time.
I woke up around 3:30 am. I had to take an anxiety pill just to manage to fall alseep in the first place. I was half asleep and looking to fall back into deeper sleep then I thought: I want to hold Oscar and listen to him Purr until I fall asleep. Then it hit me, that that would not happen ever again. It was like loosing him all over again. I did not manage to stay asleep.
You did the right thing for your Oscar. He is out of pain now. I don't know if there's a heaven for animals, but if so he is there now. There are scientific reasons for rainbows to appear, sure, but for you to have seen one directly after this has to be a smile from God. He knows how hard this has been for you and that you would grieve your loss.
Oscar was very lucky to have you by his side to comfort him in his passing. Having you there was far less scary for him than if he had been alone at your house when the the time came. Please don't think of this as murder, murder is vile and hateful. You did this out of love and with the use of the information you had been given. I give you huge credit for going and being with him during this time. I've never had to be present to this point and don't know how strong I'd be. My dad, husband, has always taken my animals when the time came and did so without my knowledge because I'm such a basketcase about these things. (I admit that after reading your post I had to compose myself before writing this and I never met your Oscar and knew that you would soon be posting this news) You are showing amazing strength in doing what you must. You have my sympathies for your loss and my amazement at your strength in this.
Rest well knowing that Oscar is no longer suffering, he knows you won't forget him
Our thoughts are with you. Take time to grieve and remember the memories. You did right by your cat and indeed the cat is smiling and looking down on you.
Today, Friday the 8th of August 2008, between 5pm and 5:45 pm, my lovely cat Oscar passed away at the veterinarian.I feel so guilty. Like I murdered him or had him murdered. During the procedure he got scared and cried. I feel so guilty and horrible. What if he is mad at me or what if he thought I was getting rid of him! I love him so much what if he didn't know? I don't know hoe I am going to deal with this. My house is so empty. I ache everywhere. I want my cat back! I miss him! He isn't coming home ever! I wish I knew how to deal with this but I don't. I feel so sad and depressed. I love my cat. I want him to be ok. Do you think he went to heaven. I hope so. I remembered what Sheba said about the rainbow bridge that goes to heaven for animals. Do you think we will be in the same heaven? Will I see him again?
When we left the vet's office there was a rainbow, a big beautiful rainbow in the sky. I miss him. My house is so empty. There is a huge whole in my heart.
