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Alot of challenging later...

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Alot of challenging later...

for 15 år siden 0 +0 / -0 456

Hi mo3.

I know that she has a good friend in you.

for 15 år siden 0 +0 / -0 406

Mom of 3,

Perhaps you can use your writing to your advantage. To challenge your negative thoughts it may be helpful to write down a list of your negative core values and the corresponding correct value in it's place. Members, how do you challenge your negative thoughts?

Karen, Health Educator

for 15 år siden 0 +0 / -0 3043

Hi Everyone and thank you for your responses:

Diva: Thank you for your encouragement and kind words. I hope you are having success in your struggles

Wildcat: I don't know that she isn't capable of building trust again but her own words were that she has trust issues. I guess time will tell. I hope she is able to and finds real happines because she deserves something much better than what she got.

Goofy: First, I want to send my sympathies to you regarding the passing of your Father. I just read that and I am sorry to be late in relaying this to you. I read your ideas for the holidays and think you are very creative to come up with these ideas. I hope your day went well today with your family.

I do relate to your post. It is part of the reason I took a break from writing here. I found myself compounding my issues with everyone's. (My issue, not yours.) If you could meet her you'd see why I feel the way I do. She's positive and looks at the glass as half full. She is my opposite. I'd like to be more like her in many ways. I must admit that part of my concern is for myself also. I look at her and I see what her situation did to her, then I look at me. If I must endure all that I'll never make it. I know I'm already enduring things and that my outcome isn't sure either way right now. Anything can happen and I'm continuing to hope and pray that mine will work out. Today I am struggling to hold onto that.

I do esteem others better than myself, which is good but I take it too far. I realize that putting others before yourself is a way to make sure that you are not always first. Under normal circumstances it works well, it is balancing. In my world everyone is better and I am dirt. I am never first and therefore I don't deserve as much as others. I am trying desperately to challenge this. It seems incredible to me that I can write the difference down but be unable to make it work in my life.

I know that bad things happen to good people. I know that sometimes the bad things can become blessings in disguises. I know that every situation is ultimately different, even if they seem similar, and that they all do not have to have the same conclusion. I am trying to hold onto these thoughts.

I wish I could simply erase my negative core values and write in the correct (normal) value in it's place.

for 15 år siden 0 +0 / -0 456

MO3,

are you sure SHE is left without a base to build future relationships based on trust? Or is your negative core value projected onto her situation?

for 15 år siden 0 +0 / -0 1044

Mom of 3, I have a nasty habit of taking on someone else's pain. Granted it doesn't relieve theirs at all, it adds to mine. For example, I don't think I was able to let go and grieve at dad's funeral because I kept sympathizing and trying to empathize what my grandmother was going through. Or I watch a tv show with someone doing something embarrassing, I take on their feelings. I think it is part of codependency and it has worsened since my depression became to be. Just a thought, like some feedback if you can relate.

for 15 år siden 0 +0 / -0 910

Oh btw, as for your negative core beliefs I think you are on to something. If you feel like she deserves more then you do and she doesn't get what she needs, it would be logical for you to feel you won't either. SO I really think you are on to something. But I don't need to tell you thaat your assessment is faulty. You DO deserve just as much as anybody! You are great!

for 15 år siden 0 +0 / -0 910

Hey Mom of 3,

I am sorry to hear you are having a tough day. Holidays can be rough. And with your friend, I think you are being very kind and generous with her. I think it is normal that her story affects you especially if it resonates with your past experiences. I wish I had something great to say to help you. all I can say is we are here for you, you are in my thoughts! Hang in there, this too shall pass!

for 15 år siden 0 +0 / -0 1288

Mom of 3,

The sympathy that you share for your friend is natural. It's not a great moment of life, it's a sad one. Like you said, things happen have it be for the best or the worst, they still happen. Everyone deserves happiness, you included.

Please come share with us anytime you need an ear. We're here for you!

Sylvie, Bilingual Health Educator

for 15 år siden 0 +0 / -0 24

Hi everyone and thank you for your kind responses. I always have the same result everytime I post something even halfway positive here - it gets blown apart!!

I am having one of those days. It is Thanksgiving Day in the US and there is much to be thankful for in many ways. I am trying to remember this but I am having trouble because there is also so much that I am battling that I just feel numb. Not really conducive to the holiday spirit.

Yesterday at work one of my co-workers told me of her divorce and what had happened to her and what she went through. I consider her to be a positive person and listening to her story quite frankly depressed me. I don't know how to explain why what happened to her made me like this. Perhaps it is frightening to me and robs me of any little hopes I've built up for myself. Perhaps it's just that it's so unfair. I don't know, but there it is and I am having trouble not personalizing her experiences into my own. Some of the things that she said about how she felt and what she was hoping for while going through her experience was too close to how I feel and what I am hoping for. Since it went badly for this wonderful person who deserved to have much better than she received - I have no hope for myself. Does that make sense?

Even as I write this I am having trouble not breaking down. Since I have no one to really share this thought with I'm dumping it here. I know that my negative core values are playing a HUGE part in this. I know that I am telling myself that if this person didn't deserve better then I certainly don't. I know it really has nothing to do with deserving but with what God's will ultimately is. Even she says that she knows that God used divine intervention to aid her and knows that her break up was what had to happen. She found out that there were many things that she had no idea were happening behind her back and knows that because if this there was no way to make it work because he was such a master of deceit. Even though, I find it incredibly sad that she is left alone and with no trust base.

Any thoughts?

for 15 år siden 0 +0 / -0 1044

Mom of 3

and welcome back. I'm glad that you were able to recognize the need to refocus and accomplished so much insight. I've had a bit of a setback in my progression through the program but I look forward to having that clarity to recognize things in my life like you have in yours! What an inspiration! So glad you are back and keep us posted on your reflections - keep on inspiring!

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Alot of challenging later...