Hi Rose,
Thank you so much for your encouragement. I saw my counselor for the first time today and although it was just an introductory meeting I felt like she understood me very well. I had my test results from here and I wrote up a sheet of my issues so that we had a starting place without me having to vocalize all of them. That was better for me.
I have no homework save to see my doctor to discuss my medication since I don't feel like the Celexa is helpful. I had already scheduled an appointment with him and see him 12/30. I agreed to start back on the Celexa because she convinced me that even if it is not entirely helpful it may stabilize me enough to work on my issues. I do hate the thought of having to take medication, but since I'm not getting anywhere doing things the way I have been I am going to defer to her for now and see if I get anywhere that way. I will start back in the morning as the Lexapro kept me up at night if I took it late - I don't need that so I'm not taking the chance with the Celexa. I don't know if the doctor can make an appeal for the Lexapro to the insurance but I don't hold much hope for that one! At least she didn't suggest that I go to the hospital, I was afraid that she might. I did keep it together better than I thought I would so that's good. Right now I just know that I need help and am willing to do what it takes to get it. If not really for me then for my son.
Hi Rose,
I'm glad you have a different perspective on your children. You seem to have been beating yourself up about your son's situation for awhile now. If you are a doormat for some of the same reasons that I am then you understand that we allow ourselves to be walked over. We allow it because we always defer to what someone else wants and believe we are helping them. I've begun to realize that it does not help them but enables them to use us. Rose, be kind to yourself. I hope we can get those scrapes on our brains to finally heal up!
Goofy, I thank you for your insight and willingness to share. I myself am not quite able to write about some of the things that are residing within me. I wish I could sometimes but am finding it difficult to do so. I have spent so much time taking things in and not knowing what to do with the pain. I am numb but I know once I recognize the pain I am in it will be devastating. I don't know how I am going to get through this. My whole world is crashing and I feel like I'll never be the same.