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for 15 år siden 0 +0 / -0 32

Well, this will be my last post in this introductory thread. I just want to say that I'm up early this morning and I am going to plan some things to try to make today a better day. I'm going to get dressed, do dishes, go out to buy some things I need (contact lens solution etc), and maybe take some pictures which is my hobby. Then I'm going to go windowshopping and try on some clothes (which is just a fun thing to do) and get a nice book.

I feel bad for being a heavy weight in my husband's life. Does anyone else feel guilty when you try to let your spouse know that you are seriously depressed? Then they might start to feel like it's their fault.

Here's to making today a better day.

for 15 år siden 0 +0 / -0 32

Thanks for your replies. It's the start of another day and again I've accomplished nothing and don't feel like I can do anything. In fact I'm finding it hard to get started with this program and to just take out a piece of paper to start a mood/activity tracker. It's ridiculous. I know that something has to change but it seems like nothing ever changes. The tough part is if I can't get any help here I feel my only option is to leave, and that will mean leaving my husband. It upsets me that if only I could get help with this depression things might be different, but that seems impossible, and the idea of starting my life all over, completely from scratch, is of course beyond overwhelming, but I start to feel like that is my only option other than wasting the rest of my life in a depression here. I don't even know if he realizes that is how I feel. If I can't get any help, I just have to go back to the USA where I might once again feel in control of my life. He also refused to let me take language lessons here so I feel so stuck. Just utterly, absolutely STUCK. I have no life and don't see any way of getting one if I am left to try to sort everything out on my own. I've been here for a few YEARS and it is still this bad. I did have some friends, but they moved away. I find myself turning to my memories of how I used to do things, and it feels like it's all in the past. I'm too young for my life to be over!

for 15 år siden 0 +0 / -0 823

Hi Cindy Sue,

You certainly sound overwhelmed and powerless in your post but the fact that you are reaching out for support and help is a clear indicator that you want your situation to change.

I must reinforce what Wildcat said which is that you are the only person who knows what you need and your health should be first and foremost on your list of priorities. Please seek a therapist -what country do you reside in?

Does your husband know how you feel? You may benefit from having an honest discussion with him where you can express that his demeanor is hindering your journey towards healing. If you need his support you must ask him for it.

Finally, please do work through some of the sessions on the program to better understand your outlook. You stated yourself that you feel like you are being held in captivity - "but it's me keeping myself here". Understanding why this is may help you to unlock this feeling.

We are all here to support you whenever you need it.

Good luck,

Faryal, Health Educator

for 15 år siden 0 +0 / -0 456

cindysue.

to tell the truth, i would see a general practicer and see what they would have to say about your condition! if an antidepressant is in order... Hide them! I need a vitamin. (My grandmother would call the clarks liver pills or pep-pills.) Or put them in a gym shoe.

it does not matter what your husband thinks. it matters what you think and what you need! St-john's wort is for mild depression and you are right. The body changes and needs adjustments to doses of medications according to the physical and emotional environment you are in. Also, with all natual products, the chemical that reacts might not be the same from one lot to the next - it often depends on the plant and it's growing conditions... and the varity of the plant.

if it helps to talk to the gang here and follow the program, then a therapist who would design a program for You would also help.

Cindysue this is your health. It does not matter what anyonelse says or thinks. I could tell you breakdancing on your head is great

. You know what you need. You have proposed the way because these are solutions that seem reasonable to you! So explore, try, see. And remember the whole lot of us are always here!

for 15 år siden 0 +0 / -0 32

I was here in late October of 2008 and on for a little while. I was feeling slightly better for a time but now I feel like I'm right back where I started and I need to start all over again with this program (which I do believe is helpful). I had also started taking St John's Wort (in the form of a strong tea 3x's a day) and it was definitely helping me, but I feel like it is starting to lose effectiveness for me.

I could write a long, long treatise on the state of my life, but what it boils down to is that I have withdrawn from everything. I know my situation is bad but I feel powerless to change it. I know I need to find work, find friends, but I don't want to do any of it. It all seems so overwhelming, unpleasant, and hopeless. I feel like I am in a state of suspended animation. I want to get help but I live in a foreign country and don't know where to find an English-speaking therapist. I'd like to go on anti-depressants but my husband refuses to allow me to do that because he thinks they do more harm than good. He's also told me he believes a therapist would be useless. And I feel like without his support I can't do anything. Well if I were able to help myself get out of this I would have done it by now. Just the idea of going out of the house to buy food is overwhelming to me. I used to be self-sufficient and independent. Now I can't do anything. I feel like my entire world has shrunk to include nothing but a computer keyboard. It also disturbs me that my husband sees this but doesn't do anything to help me. I feel like he is willing to just allow me to waste away here. I feel totally overwhelmed and hopeless. I don't want to see years go by and I'm still in this condition. Sometimes I feel like I am being held in captivity but it's me keeping myself here. I used to have a life! Now I feel like I have nothing. I don't know what to do.

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