ah, I've been away, not by choice, but because of the emotionally draining couple of weeks going through mom and dad's house and dividing up things between me and my brother.  Surprisingly we have gotten along and have been having conversations like "do you want this, if not, I'll take it, but if you want it go ahead".   Whew, that's a relief, but he and I both are pretty emotionally charged about the task.  I've cried and cried but he's cried too.  Of course, I'm not working this week (they are soooo good to me, I am again on leave without pay to take care of business).  However, I'm sure that my therapist and psychiatrist would agree that I need the recuperation at the end of the day.  I've got 3 weeks worth of laundry to do, boxes stacked everywhere, I'm replacing some furniture with theirs (mom and dad's) and buying some new, so I've given some of it away.  After we get done for the day, all I want to do is come home and go to bed.....but the other issue going on is....I've got three (more but these three are the issue) who has a girlfriend who is in jail and he's been over every night, seeking advice and counsel (she got a DUI and is serving 30 days in jail).  I've helped him work on his communication skills and I also helped him write a love letter and pick out some lingerie.  lol  Anyway, the second friend's daughter just got out of a local mental health facility and has had to move back in.  The daughter has one child that my friend is raising and another that she is raising herself and there are many issues that I'm listening too and at the same time fighting the stigma's that I was not aware that my friend has....however, she seems more understanding of my plight than that of her own daughter.  Anyway, another counseling job.  Then the third friend, he's having a very difficult time and again, I've come to the rescue.  Yes, I am codependent but I also want to help if I can....all three of these people reciprocate the kindness (not the counseling aspect but with their own thing (one is a carpenter, one cleans houses, and the other is great with all kinds of projects and they all are very helpful to me as a single person).  So it's not a one sided thingy, however, I must have a big "C" tatooed on my forehead for Counselor and I used to do that fulltime, I now do that part-time and I don't want to do it all.  I know I'm fussing and I value their friendship and usually all three aren't having a hardtime all at once.....they do call to check on me too!  And that is nice....I just I guess I'm just tired, emotionally and I hate going through and trying to settle the estate!  A necessary evil and my brother nor I want to give anything up.  It's not a large house 2000 sq. foot but mom had it full of stuff and then there's the 2 car detached garage and then a metal shed and geez, will it ever end??????

 

I'm sure some of you can relate, but once both parents are gone, it changes a whole new persepective on life, irregardless of what I went through as a child.  

 

Okay, I hope we will take a break soon and I'll be back and quit neglecting me!!!!!  I'm using my klonopin when appropriate!  It seems like it is more appropriate through this than ever before! 

 

I miss y'all and can't wait to get caught up...this is all I have time for.  I'm not checking e-mail or anything and I'm about to run out of clothes (you should see some of the things I'm wearing at this poing - or maybe you shouldn't).  lol