Hey Diva,
thanks for chcking in with me. I appreciate it and it goes a long way sometimes.
As for KC, thank you for replying also. You mentioned online dating, but funny that's part of my problem. I am a person who can talk about anything once the conversation gets going and I get past that awkward phase. so, I went the route of online dating, through this site called plentyoffish. It's probably the best site there is, as far as dating sites go, and it's free. There seems to be more girls on there from my area, or any other area near me compared to the "pay sites". I've tried this way now for quite a long time because I am not one for going up to ladies in person.Anyway, I've had one failed experience after another and relationships just never seem to get off the ground for me. I am told that I am great catch a few times, I am open, honest, do all the right "gentlemen" stuff, but as soon as I take off, I crash and burn. I just found that people (men and women), are often not who they claim to be on that site, or they go at it with false intentions.
I had a date with a lady a few years older than me on Friday night (I am 25, she' s 32). It went alright, we had super, talked abit, but nothing too heavy. We went back to her place to watch some movies and it seemed to go okay at the time. But, looking back on it, I was nervous (which she even told me I was) and she told me that I was trying too hard. I want to re-do Friday. I called this girl back and she won' t return my call- arggg. I've practically milled out the pond in my area with the online thing, so I need to change my tactic.
I signed up for the rec soccer league where I live and I have a few friends in there (who convinced me to join), so that'll be a new way to meet people.
People allways tell me not to "look" for "it" (i.e. a relationship and maybe it will be with the right one) because if you do, then "it" will never come, or you'll always end up dissapointed. but, itsn't that like giving up? you can't sit around and not look, you can' t sit around WAITING for something to happen- you have to go out and get it. That's what I've always thought anyway. I realize it' s not the same as buying a bag of milk, but if you don' t go to the store, the milk just isn't going to come (bad analogy). So, it's a catch-22, you go looking for it, you end up being disapointed from all the bad experiences, but if you don't look, then you'll never find her.
I've also joined the fire department in the Township that I work for and live in. I thought of it as being a good way to meet people on the fire department and I can work towards a goal- putting out the fire, that will get my adrenaline going. I am sort of seen and treated like an outsider with the sation that I am at because I don' t fit in with the "alpha male" of the group and his buddies. I'll just probably quit after a few months of this and at least our fire chief can' t say I didn' t give it a try. I used to race mountain bikes up until last year, but I decided to give myself a break from it this year. But, I plan to get back at it next year, and maybe I'll do one of the triathalons that we have here in Muskoka.
Sorry about my long post, but my problem I guess comes down to anxiety. I have anxiety about everything, job, relationship (or lack there of), just life in general. The more anxiety I have, the more I overthink it and the more I overthink it, the more restless and lonely I feel and the more I feel like I want to crawl
