Diva, how did you know. This is me to a T except I had 2 step brothers 1 step sister and a 1/2 sister.
Thankfully, my dad divorced the crazy, psychotic, attempted murderess of a wife (when he finally realized she was way too far gone for him to help), she told me that she wished I were dead on more than one occassion (probably because I could see through her facade).
As a kid, he always chose them over me. I had my special times with him, but not nearly as much as he did with them. Must have been because I was so self sufficient.
I loved the steps, they are gone now, they pretty much don't exist now that their mom has gone off the deep end. I miss them, but cannot summon the energy to attempt a relationship with them. I don't have the energy for my 1/2 sister, she has too many of her own problems for me to deal with, special needs kid, pedophile husband, 2 more kids, broken this and that, no money. My mom is nuts and needy and my dad is there when there are no women in the picture.
So I completely understand the need, ambivalence, sadness, loneliness, abandonmnet, forgiveness, renewal. love, fear, helplessness, sadness, panic, anger, frustration and rejection, etc.
So feel free to whine, I do. You are entitled to your feelings and thoughts and to heck with those who don't understand.
