Hi Rose,
You are right, no one is superwoman. but I do try LOL!
As for being ok with meds for others and not for me, who knows lol. I guess that is part of my basic thinking patterns that need to be reevaluated. I can truely understand others needed meds but do not understand it of myself lol. Maybe I have a big ego? I mean I must have a big ego to think I should be superwoman and capable of doing it all by myself lol! I don't know, I am working on this issue. It is on of my neurosis I guess
. As for withdrawal and addiction, I don't think I am scared. I have wheened myself off enough meds to know I can do this. I guess I am against the idea of being dependant on a substance, I am against the idea of addiction. I know, my neurosis again. Working on it!
As for wheening myself off, I do it with the help of my therapist and my doctor. But in the past I have had to insist to get off the meds, to get help to do it and that frustrated me. at one point a psychiatrist refused to give me a tapering off protocol. He said I was so cscrewed up I would need meds forever. That really revolted me. I got better and got off all my meds and have kept off meds as much as I possibly can since.
As for shool and them taking me or not, well yeah, bugger them, numbskulls if they don't take me. I am smart and hardworking and worth it! To bad for them!
As for the file thing, I hear you. You would think hard work would be enough but it isn't is it? Too busy covering their own a**es. I love that. Willl have to remember that!
As for now, I intend to take the sleeping pillls for a little while still, but I am starting to taper off the anxiety meds tonight. I will see how it goes. I know I am being silly about this. I know. I hear you. I just, I can't explain. I have no words to explain my neurosis to you. As for trusting the doctors to tell me when to get off, well since the incident before, I do not trust doctors to take me off meds anymore, I just don't. I trust myself more. I don't ever want to be told what I am capable of acheiving or not by others ever again. I can do this, I can get better and I don't always need meds!
But I am taking my sleeping pills. and I will taper off the anxiety meds very slowly and gently. And hey, if in the furture I feel the need to take them again, well then I will! That is why I always keep a prescription PRN!
Thanks Rose. This discussion on meds with you is really helping me discover things about myself and how I think about meds and recovery and past events. so thank you. This has been a super great exchange for me! I really am grateful.
And you kindness, support and good advice mean a lot to me!