i've been having a very difficult time with some people at my place of work, and was so pleased that the people 'in the field' seemed to like me well and were very cooperative. Sometimes they would call just to chat, or send notes that were just friendly contacts. Then it was decided to bring many of these people to a big three day meeting at our home office. due to my withdrawal and general avoidance of social contacts in my department, i had no role in the meeting, but I'm on the bottom rung anyway. it bothered me a bit, but i was invited to the evening activities and several of these 'friends' talked about getting together for coffee/drinks, etc.

first night i get a call from someone who was getting into town on the early side, near the end of the workday. he suggested we get together. he'd been flirty over the past few months, but so had others - my one coworker in my office encourages that type of interaction, and it didn't bother me - I'm old enough to be the mom of some of them. so he says he's unpacking, come to his room.

i've been quietly married for 26 years, this rang no alarm bells, flirty or not.

so it would be bad enough to be flat out assaulted, but this person who was a bit older than me not only began an assault, but then decided he did not like me for that and told me to take care of him another way.

i am a small person with a very quiet life, and while i didn't really think he was going to hurt me, i just froze and did as i was told. when he was done, he rinsed off and left to join the guys for a night out. i was left with a few bruises, got dressed and went home. i was kind of in shock.

i was told to attend the dinner the next night, he was there and pretty much ignored me. i had a panic attack, drank too much (guys at my table kept topping off my glass), and a coworker called my husband to come get me. i was told to attend the activity the next night, but i knew not everyone was going and what could i say? i had just worked all day, and some seemed to be looking forward to an evening out where we could talk more than at a dinner.

of course he was there, of course i drank too much again (i don't get out much and i don't know my limit very well) this time my brand new boss, along with a couple of others who were concerned, took me back to the same hotel and got me a room since i could not drive.

i got up very early, changed the room to my own card (can't let the boss pay) and left before i ran into anyone. to top it off, i had a stern talking to on friday about 'professional behaviour.'

there is nothing i can do - i would lose my job whether he did or not, and we did have flirty emails. i thought it was just playing. i was a housewife most of my adult life and had never ever had even one person make even casual advances to me.

i'm not in horrible shape or anything, but i have body image issues after four children and serious self worth issues. for this to happen to anyone else maybe they would have said no, pushed him away, told someone at the time. for me to be told i was not attractive enough to assault.....

have not told my husband - he knows something is up, but just holds me while i cry. i see me therapist tomorrow - more than a week later. today was the first day i had to interact with this person in my daily duties. he just acts like nothing ever happened, and so am i so far. actually, at the wednesday activity i apologized to him. can you believe that?

how do i say the words to my therapist? how do i tell my husband? he wanted to help me change the other day and i freaked out since the bruises were still there. i can't even say the words to you people i have never met.