I've just had a horrible day. I just feel the need to get it off my chest, and I'm doing it here because it may fall on empathetic ears, and it's more likely to be read by someone who will understand just why the day was so difficult.
I work in a library, which is part of a national organisation. I am in the main library in London, but there are also branches in Wales, Scotland and Ulster. Once a year, the whole library department has an 'awayday', when everyone gets together in a location away from work to discuss some issues, 'bond', 'build team spirit', and have some 'fun'. Today was awayday day.
Thirty to forty people in a meeting room, with a facilitator who called us '...hey guys...' every other sentence in a horrid fake- transatlantic accent. First activity - go and shake the hand of, and introduce yourself to, someone you don't know. Second activity, do the same but with a silly comic handshake. Ha ha ha. You get the picture. I won't bore you and go through the whole day. But it involved ,amongst other things, Indian dancing lessons 'for fun' in which I did not, could not, participate. Lunch in the same room, in the forced jollity, with all the small talk that goes with it. Couldn't have lunch, had to get out, get some air, and got through three cigarettes in half an hour. Brainstorming sessions, teambuilding, ice breaking....I'm sorry, but I hate it all. Just find it literally to be a torture. And the chatting, the little groups of 3-4 people all jabbering away. That's the least tolerable of all, the tea breaks, the social stuff that I just can't do.
There was an exercise where there was a piece of paper for everyone there with their name on top, and we had to go around and write down what we liked or appreciated about the individual. The idea was that we would take these sheets away with us and feel valued when we looked at them and saw all the nice things people wrote about us. I saw that my sheet was full up. Didn't read it. Tore it up.
The whole day was an illustration of what I mean by my tagline - 'Hell is a place where everyone smiles but me'. We were all experiencing the same day, and everyone else was smiling, laughing, happy, chatting, having a great time. And then me, fighting the urge all day just to get up and run out of there, experiencing the day as, well, Hell. Thrown face-to-face with all my personality, sociability, self image issues all in one go, and having to join in with this rubbish at the same time.
So, a difficult horrid day. If you can't see why, that's fair enough. Obviously not too many people see these things the way I do.
So why did I post this in Success Stories:
- I didn't run away
- I wasn't sick
- I didn't murder the facilitator
