Hi Pinkminke,
This is a good site, and I agree with Breezin. Try and go visit a campus doc, or your regular doc. Besides finally reaching out here, that's another good place to start. Ashley is right too, most campuses have free counseling services.
Gosh, there's so much to say about college and what can trigger depression there. I'm not sure where to start. I guess I can only relate my experience and refer to the post that Noori wrote. And again, as with Noori, I hope you don't mind a few questions.
There is only one area that I might disagree with what others wrote: sometimes we need a break so we can regroup. Yes, you are close to finishing, but your health is more important. My son is currently taking a semester off so he can deal with some health issues. I'd much rather see him deal with that than push himself into the ground.
Not sure how old you are, but I do know that when I was 18-24 I was dealing with a lot of the aftermath of my childhood stuff, questioning where I was going and wanted to do with my life, and had tremendous anxiety all of the time.
Don't worry about starting the program yet. Just write for now. It took awhile for me to be able to get out of bed, and I remember writing the same thing. Just take some baby steps. Write if you can, put a foot out of bed, call 1 person a day, take a shower if you're able. Take care of yourself though. Again, I had to break down and see my doctor even though I hate medication. I waited a year too just like you have hoping that I would pull out of it until I reached the point when I couldn't get out of bed. That's when I finally realized that I couldn't do it by myself (which I've always done!). So it sucked, but I went. I reluctanly went on medication, wrote here, got a therapist, and am slowly getting better. Be proactive (I think you have been your whole life, but you are overwhelmed right now), and remember to take little tiny baby steps and congratulate yourself on each one. Even waking up 15 minutes earlier than you are now is a huge accomplishment.
I think that a lot of us that get depressed are perfectionists who are used to getting stuff done. Let that go. Refocus on yourself because you deserve it. You've worked really hard, and now it's time to work really hard on yourself.
Hope that helps a little. I also hope that you know that everyone here hasn't been able to get out of bed either. Baby steps girl.
Deb
