Hello,
After much research, I ended up here. I am hopeful that the program and CBT will be helpful (If I just stick with it!).
A bit of history, up until a year and a half ago, I had never suffered from depression of any kind. I was very level, calm, rational, and happy most of the time. I was never manic (too happy/high/euphoric), and I was never depressed. Starting a year and a half ago, I started feeling funny, kind of down all the time. It took almost 5 months, but slowly, day by day, I ended up quite depressed. I honestly did not recognize it as depression. This spring, I went to my local doctor to get to the bottom of feeling so bad all the time, and the doctor could find nothing. That's when the doc suggested depression.
I think the depression may have been triggered by a car accident and compounded by stress from school (I was at a local univ. for my BA degree) since the down feeling started after that. I was hoping I would feel better after I graduated (Dec>), but no luck, in fact, I got worse after graduation. I have not been going to school or working since Dec. 2009, and I have had no improvement. It is frustrating since I was always so fine emotionally before this episode.
My doc put me on Zoloft, and within 1 day, I felt amazing! But a few days later, the Zoloft triggered a very scary manic episode (delusions of granduer, racing thoughts, didn't need to sleep, and all). That was almost scarier than the depression! The doc then tried me on Lexapro with a 1 day break in between. I immediately switch to a depressive state on the day off the meds, and within one day felt much better on the Lexapro. However, the Lexapro made my hypomanic (very mild mania). My doc was worried about a manic episode again, so she sent me to a psych doc for medication help.
The psych doc diagnosed me as bipolar (go figure), and stopped the Lexapro and started Lithium. Well, after 3 weeks, I was completely back to the full depressive feelings with a lot of very sick Lithium side effect feelings to go with it. Yuck. He wanted me to stay on the Lithium, but I was feeling so seriously sick from it that I have started weaning myself off. It has been 1 week on a much lower Lithium dose and I am feeling 100% better from the side effects, but the depression is still there.
I actually have another appt. with the psych doc tomorrow to try and ask him for help with a different set of meds. I really wish he would treat the depression first. Lithium is usllay used as a main treatment for mania, not depression. I am really hoping he will prescribe an antidepressant along with a mood stabalizer (since I tent to go manic on antidepressants).
In addition to all of this medication fun, I have seen a counsellor on 4 seperate occasions. She does "talk therapy"," which I am not finding helpful at all. I enjoy our talks, but I always feel like I am right where I started after our sessions. I really hope some of the more concrete homework activities on this site will lead to actual changes in myself. I am also going to a local depression/bipolar support group once a week. I do like that and find it helpful, hearing how other's are coping. The people in the support group are the ones who suggested I make another psy doc appt and get my meds changed.
I am supposed to be starting my graduate program at the local university this coming fall, and right now, just getting out of bed and getting dressed seems like a huge challenge. My main goal is to be functional by Sept so that I can do well in my courses. I was supossed to use this semester to find some part time work and get a little experince before the MA program started, but I
