I guess anger is a front for fear right now. Fear is keeping me from stopping the fear???
I feel really tired and have no courage or strength or hope or insight these days. Just a huge desire to numb out entirely in anyway I can... and yet, this has been going on since May without respite and I can't just ignore it or hope it away. I find it especially frustrating because I had begun to have such hope and excitement and desire to live fully and joyfully in the present. I resent being pulled back into the old stuff. And I fear being stuck in it. I fear being a fool for believing my life could be different. I fear... I fear... I fear... and it makes me angry... angry... angry... Around and around and around I go.
Anger is tricky business. I am struggling with it and was trying to find a session which tackles that topic but couldn't find which one does. This forum discussion is from 2010, but has really good info. It pays to research the forums for how ppl have handled stuff in the past.
Sooooo, reading... I am reminded of the importance of exercise and relaxation techniques and also the need to figure out what is triggering the anger. I'm not having much luck with any of it. Feel too depressed to exercise, too anxious to relax, and just too furious with myself to figure out what the trigger is.
I am frustrated. My life now is so good, so safe, and so easy... what purpose does it serve for me to be depressed, angry, anxious, etc. What's the point? Why can't I just stop it?
The mini-meditation sessions have been working well so far! I was skeptical about the idea of it (when I first got to this website, I didn't think there was a chance I'd do something like meditating), but it really does help to just shut out the world for even a few minutes and just take in some good, deep breaths of air. I can actually feel my body soaking up all that oxygen. I want to do that at least three times a day (morning, afternoon, night).
Also, I think the program's helping, in general. I'm still on week one, but already I'm paying attention to a lot of things I've been squelching down for a while now. It reminds me that just because it's crunch time with school, doesn't mean there aren't other things going on in my life that need attention, too. So I feel a little more motivated to just tell that academic pressure to back off.
I'll try to break things down, too, take things one at a time. I've got so many different things due for my classes right now, I always remember at least a couple assignments every day that I'd forgotten about, and that can really make things feel like they're all hitting me at once. But I guess the bottom line is that they can only get done one at a time. Thanks for that suggestion, I'll try to keep it in mind! :)
It sounds like you are making progress on discovering the trigger or the root of your anger. If it has to do with feeling overwhelmed or frustrated by your homework, you could for example find a way to break your large tasks down into smaller tasks. As Ashley mentioned, exercise and relaxation techniques are great for squashing the negative energy. How have the mini-meditation sessions been helping?
Thanks for replying! I tried to make note of what I was thinking when getting angry today, but I was having trouble. My mind gets real clouded when I get that angry. I think what goes through my head is that I'm getting frustrated with what I'm doing, but I can't walk away from it (especially in the case of homework), because I have to meet my deadlines. Like a trapped kind of feeling. And I kind of think, "Why is everything going wrong?!"
I don't know, I also wonder if maybe when I'm feeling depressed, but I can't mope because I have to do some sort of work or task, that negative energy kind of turns to anger instead. Usually this isn't a problem for me, but it's been happening a lot the past couple weeks since my depression got worse, so I do think it's related.
I agree that getting to the trigger or root would be helpful. I might try to start giving myself even just a few minutes here and there to step out of work mode throughout the day and just listen to some calm music or silence and breathe. Like little mini-meditation sessions or something. =) Maybe that'll help to stop the problem before it happens.
Going for a walk is a great idea to calm yourself down. Exercise and relaxation techniques is other great options.
However I think getting to what triggers the anger may be helpful. What thinking is going on to make you so angry? Just like with depression anger can be related to cognitive distortions. Be sure that you are working on the program because the program can help with this.
For instance when your work is piling up and you start to feel angry what thoughts are going on in your head?
I've been having a lot of trouble lately with losing my temper when I'm trying to complete a task, and something goes wrong. I don't know, every little downside in my life lately has just felt crushing and unbearable, and it's spread to even simple things. Like if I can't figure out what to do to get a homework assignment done, sometimes I lose it. I have to go somewhere as private as possible to take out my frustration by slamming things around or punching/kicking at a wall, which sometimes ends up causing physical pain for myself as well. I'm afraid I'm going to accidentally hurt myself or cause damage to whatever I'm taking my anger out on.
Does anybody else have something like this, where when even little things go wrong, it triggers something like that? Any advice on good ways to get the frustration out? Sometimes if I can I step outside and walk with my ipod playing angry music, though that only helps a little bit. I just feel like I physically have to get it out somehow. I can't contain it after a certain point.
I think these bursts are largely caused from school on top of depression; I'm under a lot of pressure right now, and I've had this angry cloud over my head for weeks, reminding me of all the work I have to get done and I don't have a clue how that's gonna happen. I can barely keep up after time lost and time I still lose because of depression itself; a break right now will only put me further behind and the pressure that much worse.
