Thank you for your words of encouragement. I'm glad I was in some small way able to help you beat the "blues" and get out with Skylar. Some days are really just days you want to get through as quickly and painlessly as possible, though as my doctor tells me that's just avoidance. I'm a great avoider, but I know that sometimes you need to take that chance and just do it. I admit that Saturday was a really rough day for me and I simply watched tv and cried a lot . I saw my therapist on Sunday and with her help I was able to figure out what was partially the cause. My own mother passed away about a week after mothers day in 1989. Because I ended up being the one who took care of my father and making all the arrangements I don't believe I really and truly grieved her passing. With the death of my sister in law just 2 short weeks ago, a lot of grief has been sitting there and not being dealt with the way it needs to be and thus started bubbling up. I've not totally come to terms with the fact that I am also allowed to grieve both of these women and that the grief is not just my brothers, in the case of Sandi, but mine too. Oh the things our thoughts try to obscur and make abstract. In doing CBT, I hope I can break a vicious cycle of believing I am not "allowed" or " don't own". In having people such as yourself to "talk" with, I hope to gain a perspective and insight into all the years of self doubt and loathing. I can already see a change. Thank you to yourself and others who can shine a light into the dark and help others see. Bless you.
Thank you eleveno. You made me smile:). I like that we are all here for one another and I get a sense of joy in reaching out and trying to help others....in doing so, it helps me too.
I just wanted to check in on you to see how you are doing? There is a site on-line if you Google it entitled "How to Cope with Loss and Pain" which may have some tips to help you deal with your loss. Sadly loss is a part of life and I have had my fair share over the years - I lost my father when I was 12, my brother when I was 18 & my mother-in-law died tragically in a fire in 2008. It is cliche to say, but it is true, time does help heal the pain. Our loved ones are gone, but not forgotten. With the age of technology, when I lost my horse, I was able to deal with the pain by compiling a collage of pictures in an album - it allowed me to remember all the good times that we shared together. Sometimes I think that the Buddhist philosophy allows one to cope with such things...it encourages you not to label events as good or bad but just to accept them - easier said than done, but it kind of makes sense, especially as we age and are faced with set backs and losses. My mom is 90 and she has not had an easy life - she lost her parents at the age of 10, her husband at the age of 52 and her son when he was only 32, however she has this incredible ability to always look forward. She really is not that nostalgic and maybe that is her coping mechanism because our thoughts can certainly send us reeling into despair! I was having a bad day today - you know the ones, when you just want to stay in bed and you feel that everything is such an effort...you'll be pleased to know that you inspired me to force myself to get up and take Skyler out for a walk and I am happy to report that I feel better. I hope that you have a wonderful Mother's Day and remember to be kind to yourself :) Linda
Thank you Ashley. It's been one week and two days since my sister in law passed and I think I am doing okay. There are moments of deep sadness and as advised allow myself to let it happen. My biggest concern now is my brother and trying to be as supportive as he will allow me. I've had family members tell me to just get on the plane and go to him, but that isn't what he wants and I will absolutely respect his wishes. As neither of them are/were religious in any way, there was no funeral. She was cremated and my brother brought her home yesterday. The plan is to have a CELEBRATION of life in July and remember the life she had and joy she brought to others. I think that's a lovely plan and will just continue to be there in spirit and thought for my brother. Thanks for your support. It's nice to know that someone out there has taken a moment to think of my family during such a difficult time.
In times like this it is healthy to feel sad. Let yourself feel sad and also make a point to take care of yourself. Also, make a point of celebrating her life in a way that has meaning to you. Like everyone has already said, give yourself time and don't be afraid of the grieving process. It is natural and healthy....and at times very, very hard. We're here to read if you need us.
I am so incredibly sad to announce that yesterday, in the late afternoon, my dear, sweet sister-in-law lost her battle to brain cancer. She faced her illness with a fierceness and strength that I will always admire. I am so incredibly sad and don't know if I should just allow myself the grieving or just try to not let it get to me. My brother doesn't want me to go to him as he would like some alone time to just breathe and process as the past year has been incredibly rough on him as all the care was done in their home right to the end. This is making it hard for me, though it's not about me, and I feel totally and completely useless and powerless right now. I'm trying to remember my CBT processes, but my head is so filled with pain and sorrow and anger that it is really hard to think right now. Please give me some words I can use. It's not about me but I'm just devastated. Thank you.
