Ok, I'll be the first one to post here. I need to right now anyway.
It matters not if noone hears, I just need to write down my fears.
It s almost 2 weeks tomorrow, that I quit. I have been ok and so-so and icky and aweful and poopy and achy and really disgusting and actually not bad and pretty good and kinda sad and real mad but all and all I'm pretty glad.
But right now, all day in fact, I feel like throwing in the towel, not because I want to smoke, it's because I need something to cope. i;'ve lost my mind, its in a fog, can't even refuel it at the bog. I'm not at work, stayed home again, going in soon i dont know when. but i dont wanna work and i feel like a jerk. im not doing what i want and i want to be on my own. ok stop.
wish i could be here all the time, that way i'd know i'm not losing my mind. i wish it would come back, i feel like i've lost a battle in fact. the cigs have won yeah its no joke, i look at myself and say no to the smoke. i wanna stay quit get healthy anf fit, but why why why do i feel like i wanna die. its not that hard to cope i just want to give my brain a smoke. nothing will get better it will only get worse my God i've fallen and feel like i'm cursed.
i know its just nic, pouring lies in me but will not stick, because i know i'm too strong for that, and i m eating carrots hopeing i wont get fat, and i just hate everything dont wanna dance or sing, i dont even wanna sleep but thats the only thing my soul to keep.
ok thats enough, i feel longwinded and have that aweful feeling like i dont belong again. i wish this would stop. i know another good cry is on its way. every dog must have its day.
[B]My Milage:[/B]
[B]My Quit Date: [/B] 4/8/2006
[B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 13
[B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 110
[B]Amount Saved:[/B] $39
[B]Life Gained:[/B]
[B]Days:[/B] 1 [B]Hrs:[/B] 3 [B]Mins:[/B] 50 [B]Seconds:[/B] 49
