Hi everyone,
I guess its time for me to respond. Its been difficult for me to read what some of you wrote. I guess I thought I would be coddled. And I'm glad I wasnt. Wow! You are all right. I have been trying to come to terms with the fact that I am an addict!!!!
I thought a lot about my statement, which was a statement made out of panic. I asked myself, "do I really love smoking?" The answer was that its not the smoking I love, but what I think it does for me. The illusion that I have come to believe...that it really helps me to survive, that its my lifeline. That is an addict talking, as many of you have pointed out. No less than a junky, indeed. And of course I know its not true because I quit once before for six years. I was fine without it, I lived, and lived well.
Its not that I don't see how awful it is, how smelly it is, how disgusting an addiction it is. I hold that reality along with the illusion. Otherwise I woudnt even be on this site or wanting to quit. I've quit three times in the past 6 months, each time falling back into denial.
So, I thank you all for your frank and honest comments, the tough love. My quit date is next Thurseday and I plan to prepare for it with all my might. In fact, if its ok with all of you I would like to check in daily with my progress. This will keep me accountable.
And next time I quit its "not one puff ever" forever....
With lots of love and appreciation
Healthystar