Angela - Just read your post from some time ago and don't know if you've posted or received responses to it. I'm glad to hear that you visisted a psychiatrist, even tho it didn't go well til you thought about it the next day. Always remember the tricks to calm yourself down, like deep breathing or concentrating on something else very hard til it passes - - - as it surely will. I'll take a look and see if there are further posts from you. Hope so. Luv, Suzy, in Western Canada. ;)

Wow - Wanda I was being a little vague because I didn't really think the circumstances were important. I believe my mom is suffering from Post Traumatic Shock with something to do with her brother and was working out her anger on me. My sister and Brother and I don't think I ever had a chance (to be praised and be seen as the good child I really was). An example would be if I ate the last cookie in the box without permission I would be grounded for "stealing" and the other two childern would have to watch me be spanked with a paddle and then only be given bread and water because that would be what I would get in jail. It soulnds awful and I know it was confusing as a child, but I am so detached from it that it is almost like it happened to someone else. We moved all the time so we didn't really have friends or extended family for support - or a frame of reference to go by. I don't like to be a winer - and like to take responsability for my own life - not blame them for it. However I do think some of these irrational fears are coming from that conditioning. I am trying to do the self paranting thing, but it is just overwhelming at times.

What if you did have a rough childhood and don't really have a "safe" place (What do you mean by a €˜safe place€™) - or feel particularly loved (What happened in your childhood that made you feel that you were not loved?) What are you supposed to do with that? (Find total value in yourself and love yourself, not easy if you are not already enjoying that ability) Intellectually I understand that my parents loved me and did the best they could with the skills they had (I also make excuses for my parents) - but on emotional level I get scared (From what?) and withdraw with people rather than opening up and being myself (Do you like the €˜myself€™ that you are alluding to?) . I try all the motivational thoughts and spiritual things - and yoga - which I love. But it doesn't seem to help that over all pattern. Best to you, post often, Fondly, Wanda

What if you did have a rough childhood and don't really have a "safe" place - or feel particularily loved. What are you supposed to do with that? Intellectually I understand that my parents loved me and did the best they could with the skills they had - but on emotional level I get scared and withdrawl with people rather than opening up and being myself. I try all the motivational thoughts and spiritual things - and yoga - which I love. But it doesn't seem to help that over all pattern.

I never thought of myself as not getting enough love and praise as a child. I am the second child out of four. I am the only one with problems with panic and such and the others especially my older sister was just perfect at everything. But I would certainly say that I was loved and I did get a lot of attention because my parents had to take me to the doctor just as much as they had to go to her soccer games. I did take a lot of verbal abuse from my older sister as a child and it continues into today. I have always been the one to end my relationships, but I don't think it was because of a "dump them before they dump me" mentality. I say this because I have always gotten love and respect from the men that I date.

Dear Molly... Allow me to analyze your post ;) "... I noticed for me that if someone doesn't comfort me I get mad, but if it is someone I am not really close to I get mad if they try to hug me or physically comfort me during a panic attack..." Does this mean you did not get the love and attention you needed as a child? Was there someone you craved love and affection from and did not get it? "...I had done so good and he was so proud of me that I didn't want him to know that it was coming back ..." Could it be the one person in your life as a young child did not give you praise - even though you deserved it - they just ignored your accomplishments? "... I have finally gotten the guts to start with a new therapist today. I still have to call him and "dump" him ..." Could it be this...I will dump him before he dumps me so I won't have to go through any pain of rejection or non-appreciative interaction? "...I have an appointment with him on friday so I have to do it soon. ekks!..." Sounds like you may be looking forward to it. Are you that way with men? Get rid of them before they get rid of you ... pain ridden because of lack of respect and appreciation from them? The appreciation you think you deserve and never got as a child? Bye for now, Fondly, Maria

There are a lot of things that happen during panic attacks that make me mad. I noticed for me that if someone doesn't comfort me I get mad, but if it is someone I am not really close to I get mad if they try to hug me or physically comfort me during a panic attack. I know that I would panic in my appointments and I wouldn't say anything about it. I also had a defeating relationship with my therapist for the past 2 years. I had done so good and he was so proud of me that I didn't want him to know that it was coming back. I would often tell him I had to go pick up my brother or that someone needed my car just in order to get out of the therapy when I was having a panic attack. I have finally gotten the guts to start with a new therapist today. I still have to call him and "dump" him. I have an appointment with him on friday so I have to do it soon. ekks!

Bravo to you!!! Maria

Just wanted to share the experience I had with my psychiatrist yesterday. I was in our session and I started having a panic attack, I couldn't concentrate, I kept on telling him I was scared, that I needed reassurance that I wasn't going to go crazy because I felt happy and hyperactive and could the medication I was taking send me into a psychosis etc, because I didn't want that, etc, etc, It was really humiliating at the time, I hated him, I couldn't believe he could just sit there and watch me have a panic attack for our entire session without telling me that "it was going to be okay" or that "I wasn't going to crazy" he just sat there observing me panic, watching me as my panic increased and my vision went blurry and I felt like running out but I didn't and stayed. I just wanted him to help me, to reassure me, to rescue me, I was asking for him to tell me it was going to be okay but he didn't, he just sat there and said "I can see that you are experiencing quite abit of anxiety and you have asked me several times now if you are going crazy, I think you need to understand what anxiety is..." He said a few other things which I can't really remember but there was no reassurance what so ever. He just sat there and watched me panic for the entire 45min out of our 50min session, I really hated him, I thought he was cruel and not helping me, cause I thought that if he had told me I'd be fine I would be and I wouldn't have had to have gone through the panic, he could have made me feel safe if he wanted to but he chose not to. But today I realised, hey! what good would have that done for me, his reassurance, he would have just been allowing me to continue with my old pattern which I only realised today I had. How can I get over an extreme panic if I want to be held or told its going to be okay, needing that reassurance from anyone but myself, how can I get better if I cannot hold myself and tell myself and trust in myself to know that I'm going to be okay... To know without anyone reassuring you that your not going to go crazy and to know within your heart that the chances of that happening are very very slim if not even zero percent. And guess what? I didn't go crazy! WOW, and then today when I realised this, my hatred towards him turned to res