I think I'm still in denial of losing my girlfriend at the beginning of this quit. I've gone on a few dates, but I'm not interested in any of them. And when I tell myself to take time away for myself, I wind up getting all depressed and lonely and I send some pathetic email to my ex and she either ignores me or replies rather matter of factly. But she also said that she liked the idea of a date with me; however, since she lives a couple of states away due to an employment relocation, it might be difficult. So, I get mixed signals. I guess I know it's over and she's just being nice by saying that, I'm just afraid of moving on.
Therein lies the crux of my situation and perhaps a big step in my quit and my life - really trusting and believing in myself, having the confidence to succeed in my life, without self-sabotaging and giving myself an excuse to return to my addiction.
Sorry for the ramble. I guess I'm just venting here as I'm feeling a bit frustrated. So many have such REAL problems and I find myself feeling sorry for myself for being nice and healthy but alone. I know I will make it to the other side of this. I don't think I can offer myself to another, wholly, until I do. Hope it's not too far down the road, but if it is, so be it - I'll crawl if I have to.
Thanks for bearing with me. Aaargh. I guess life's just a drag sometimes, eh. Keep on keepin' on and...
keep fightin' the good fight - fish
[B]My Milage:[/B]
[B]My Quit Date: [/B] 12/21/2005
[B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 285
[B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 8,574
[B]Amount Saved:[/B] $1425
[B]Life Gained:[/B]
[B]Days:[/B] 36 [B]Hrs:[/B] 22 [B]Mins:[/B] 55 [B]Seconds:[/B] 41
