Hi Anne-Marie:
I was thinking about what could have triggered this all again, well were do I begin, I am not trying to grasp at straws here but here goes. About 3 weeks ago I got sick with bronchitis, when I went to the doctor they gave me a breathing treatment and also a shot of Prednezone (sp), I was told to stay home for 3 days which I did then went back to work, still feeling bad but not bad enough to stay home. The next week was fine, I had mild panic but nothing that I didn't ignore and chalk up to being sick and working hard. Then last tuesday on my day off they came on very strong and without warning, I continplated all day as to why this was happening, the conclusion I came up with was the fact that I had to let an employee go the day after thanksgiving and felt bad about it, and also my department had an audit and we failed in 4 sections, which made me feel like a failure, I found out about this audit on Tues (my day off), the next day I woke up in a sheer panic and called in sick. Was it because I had failed, was it becuase I hurt someone by letting her go. I have 11 other employees under me who always say "how do you do this" "how do you keep it together", did I finally let it all get to me? Do I strive for perfection and slip when I didn't achieve it? Do I need to take an "oh well approch" and don't let it get to me? I want more than anything to return to work and put my whole heart right back into my job. Why don't I want to drive myself the 20 miles there and back...the thought scares me, I have been doing it for over a year with no problem and actually look forward to it. But right now I can't even think about it.
Sorry for rambling on, but I am just wanting to get right back on the horse. I did go to the doc today and he uped my paxil to 20mg and put me on Adavan a low dose to help knock the edge off, and told me to return to work on Friday...I hope and pray I can do it,I am only trying to think good thoughts and telling any negetive thoughts to please leave NOW