thanks for the response Smudga - it was really helpful to hear your expeirience. Now know that the thoughts were just my anxiety but found it really frightening. I've spent time trying to rationalise my thoughts.The thoughts relate specifically to losing control whilst driving over a bridge, these are only specific bridges that are not closed in by brickwork and you can see through the rails. I have always had a great fear of heights and think that this was exacerbated by my heightened anxiety,once I calmed down or told somebody they go away. I think it became a phobia and have been riding over the bridge as a passenger a couple of times a day with my partner and last night managed to drive over it myself. The fear was about a 8 but I did it as calmly as I could and safely. Spoke to my GP yesterday and did a pros and cons list about the medication. He has told me to stop taking it altogether and for the 1st time in weeks I had an appetite last night. Feel more like myself today. Looking at the net you read so many people's difficult expeiriences with the meds it all gets a bit jumbled, and also wanting to be a good patient I didn't want to question the authority of the medical profession - who kept telling me to take it . The panic diary has been helpful in monitoring the symptoms. I think that medication does work, but have learned during this time to trust myself a bit more and be a bit more assertive. Now just taking one day at a time and if I have to try a different medication in the future at least I will have more knowledge about myself next time. Thank you so much for letting me know 'I'm not the only one' :)

Erica, everybody reacts differently to the different meds out there. I and others are recovering well with Cipramil, whilst others have bad reactions to it. My biggest panic fear is "what if I ever get low and commit suicide". When one's anxiety is at it's worst it can be hard to convince yourself that the suicide THOUGHTS u think aren't your true FEELINGS. I used to test my self to see if I'd stab myself or pour a bottle of tablets into my mouth. I did this to prove that these suicide thoughts of mine weren't actually my feelings. Thoughts are separate to your feelings. So if you don't want to commit suicde then the suicide thought u had was just anxiety. But if u r actually wanting to commit suicde (the thoughts seem good, and the don't distress u) then please get help.

hey I'm new to this and wanted to ask some advice. this is my second time in dealing with the panic attacks and this episode started way back in January when work was particularly stressful and got worse when I moved house and started a new job ( all in the same week in March). I have been off work now for 7 weeks and have been on cipramil ( 10mg for the 1st 5 weeks and then 20mg for the last 15 days) Up until 7 weeks ago I was finding it hard to cope at work but doing it. Since taking the tablets I had an incredible fear of going out for the first 2 weeks and then it seemed to get better as I was pushing myself to go out and drive every day. Then one night I had a frightening experieince of having a negative thought of suicide and it was then the doc increased the dose. For the past 2 weeks I've been scared of going out again and have decided to come off the drugs - I'll see the doc tommorrow. Since the tablets I have a huge increase in fear and continue to have a couple of panic attacks a day. I haven't slept properly in 2 months and can't eat. I also feel really down at times during the day and unmotivated,which I didn't feel before. 7 weeks ago I was scared of meetings and the multi-story car park and now I'm scared to go out in case I go up to the bridge and have a panic attack and lose control and fall off. I know that this won't happen and it is my worst 'what if' but never felt like this without medication. Had counselling for a few weeks , but she did this transactional analysis stuff and told me that I had a powerful distructive child that could make me commit suicide and that I was suicidal, whilst I am shouting at her that I am just scared of crossing bridges! so I stopped that ! I then ran to the doc's in tears telling him I was suicidal. Having such high anxiety constantly has made me really vulnerable and suggestable. Apart from this I am doing really well and managing to get out every day. I am making progress with meditation tapes,talking to myself, walking and doing the garden but feel that I have to get through the tablets to deal with the anxiety. I'm really want to feel like myself and get back to work . I'm normally really positive and have even booked a wedding for next year. Just having a bad few days. Does anyone else f

Thank you all for your responses, several of which have been very helpful and informative. Since I first wrote, which now seems ages ago, hanve been looked after at home by visits from community psychiatric nurses who have been a great help. Unfotunately after suicidal thoughts and the fact that my husband could not look after me 24/7 was admitted to a mental health ward, which although sounds extremely frightening and was initially, was the very best thing for me. I stayed there for 3 weeks but convinced I was only there for one and a half as I was so heavily sedated,for the first week, medication consisited of propananol ( beta blockers ), diazepam and chlopromzine, with zopoclone to sleep. But the very best thing were the talks, almost daily with my cpn's, and meeting others in much worse states thaan myself, which allowed me to realise I wasn't going mad, which was my most overiding fear .I followed the panic center programme, which is excellent, and now a week after leaving hospital although not 100% feel much better. Very little fear, the worst being on my own, which is upsetting as I was always a very independant character. Why I'm writing all this I guess is to say that there can be success, with help and as much knowledge as can be got from the net. We're not mad, just some chemical inbalance that needs to be put right. And to ask people to talk about it more freely to others, otherwise we will always be stigmatised. Hope this helps, sure I don't know if i'll have more panic attacks, just hope I don't, maybe I'm one of the lucky ones. Good luck to you all, thanks for the replies and help of the panic center.

Hi Sue, Cipramil is a Selective Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitor - it very often does cause a panic attack when first taken - reason being that it starts firing off the neurons in the brain - problem though is that most Drs don't tell you that - it also seems a bit daft to me that someone only suffering from anxiety gets given a medication which can cause a panic attack - don't worry I was to. It is not a short-term drug, minimum is 6 months, and more usually 18-24 months. But you are supposed to start on a small dosage and then build up over 2 weeks - not leap straight in - another thing Dr's sometimes forget. It works though, albeit reasonably slowly - needs careful weaning off though, so that no "horribles" happen. Just one word of caution Ativan is highly addictive - it is marvelous for stopping a panic attack, either just before it starts or while it is happening, but it is very addictive and shouldn't be taken on a regular basis - basically its a first aid drug for emergencies - (never mind that some Drs prescribe it as a sleeping tablet). Take care Amanda

Howdy Sue, without remembering which websites I've read them, I have read recovery stories before. Type "panic disorder recovery stories" in the google search and it comes up with recovery stories.

Thanks for your responses. Having had more panic attacks whilst on my 'new' medication I think it co-incidental that my worse attack was after taking Cipranol. I guess I was just trying to find a reason. And that is the trouble with all of this, is quite often there seems to be no precise reason. We are logical by nature I think, and panic attacks are so **** illogical, which makes it all the much harder to deal with. I was hoping for a physical reason i.e thyroid, which I thought might make it easier to cope with and accept. I don't know why I'm anxious almost all of the time now, since my first panic attack, its extremely tiring and isolating. I've read almost all of the notices on these pages, and one of the many things that frighten me, is that people have these feelings for years. What I'd really love to hear is some success stories, surely there are some out there ? Sue

Hi yawl, good luck with whtever route u take to improve. I personaly have improved since taking ciprimal. I know others have aswell. I guess we are all different and therefore react differently to certain medications.

Hi Sue, I had my first panic attack within the first week of taking Cipramil. I thought I was dying and my sister took me straight to the hospital. I have tried about a dozen different medications, but nothing seems to work. I am now trying to beat this by myself and with the help of this program and a pyschologist. Take care Ann

Dear Sue, I can relate. I remember when I was first diagnosed with panic disorder. My Doctor tried €˜this€™ drug, and €˜that€™ drug - to find out 'which' one would be the 'one' to stop the feelings of panic. Now, after years of taking 'this' drug or 'that' drug, I have found the one for me. It is Ativan. This is the 'only' medication that will totally stop and control €˜my€™ anxiety/panic attacks. I have had horrible episodes from taking different drugs - so incredibly frightening €“ feelings I€™ll never forget - I feel I have learned. What have I learned? To be very, very careful of the medications the Doctors prescribe. There are ways to research, like never before, the medications they are suggesting, before you ever take the first dose. The Internet is a valuable tool when researching drugs, illnesses, etc. So, what I am saying to you is, research the drugs you are speaking of. Work closely with your Doctor. Tell him/her how the meds are affecting you. As far as depression - that is another whole issue. Seems to me, anxiety/depression/agoraphobia go together hand in hand. Now, I personally think, unless one is clinically depressed and is in really, really deep trouble -that one can learn to control one's depression. I did. My anxiety/panic attacks are a constant thorn in my side, so to speak. Don't give up, don't give in! Panic attacks come in different sizes and intensities. I hope you don't have €˜severe€™ panic attacks - only mild ones! ;) And, I hope whatever is causing you to panic - you can identify and take control. Tell yourself you are not going to let this thing get you down. You are not alone in this boat - and it won't sink! Seek out €˜tools€™ (like many mentioned on this site) to help you control it so it won€™t control you. Take care€¦ Bye for now, post often.