Princess, thank you. You have been very helpful. It's beginning to feel like you, misty, and I have got a support network going. [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 7/11/2006 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 43 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 1,732 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $318.2 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 4 [B]Hrs:[/B] 7 [B]Mins:[/B] 57 [B]Seconds:[/B] 49

I've wanted to know the answer to that question for a long time. Everyone wants us to quit. But people who have never smoked just treat it like it's a bad habit--not an addiction. The junkie has been riding me since the weekend. My quit has been horrendous. From the first 72 hours to the sixth week. I'm bearly hanging on here. I'm so scared. But I'm still quit. [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 7/11/2006 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 43 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 1,727 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $318.2 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 4 [B]Hrs:[/B] 7 [B]Mins:[/B] 39 [B]Seconds:[/B] 23

Princess, let me level with you. I need to end a friendship with one of my friends, who seems to be wishing the worst for me when it comes to everything. She's criticized how I quit smoking. Criticizes my wish to earn a PhD and be a professor. Says I'm too old. And I have a lot of nerve picking such elite schools anyway. Says I couldn't possibly be a nurse. After all, the one job she supported my doing, Starbucks, didn't work out, because I couldn't remember all of those drink orders. Compares me with her son, who is a drug addict, alcoholic, and high school dropout, although he has a lot to be proud of because he has gotten himself, I think, clean and sober. But he still smokes. I only met him once, but when I did, he gave me one of those if looks could kill looks. I've never said anything to her about it. I instead set out to show that I intended to treat his mother well. I guess if he can't quit smoking, neither can I. We've been fighting since I quit smoking. Seems like sabotage to me. We took time off from each other, and I was doing okay until I saw her last Wednesday. She lied and said she only came to my graduation last May to support me. She didn't think my getting a degree was that big of a deal. I was so shocked, I bearly heard it. I wasn't going to the graduation originally, because I didn't see it as a big deal. I already had two master degrees and didn't want to pay the $57.90 for the cap and gown. She said no go; it's important. This woman was like a surrogate mother to me for years and she has turned on me. She doesn't have a history of mental illness (my therapist has asked me), although her son does. So I came to the conclusion over the weekend that based on what I know about her history, and it is scanty, she is doing drugs. I had accepted some of her explanations, but by Friday I was literally dreaming about how to end the relationship and was angry. I felt that we could leave the mother part out of it. She was not acting like a good friend. She let me know that she didn't become the concert pianist that she wanted to be. My goals are not out of reach at all. I do have three master degrees, with a combined 3.8 grade point average and very good GRE scores. But of course she says I can't base anything on the degrees I have. I told her that I

Meenness and moodiness can be all sorts of health issues, actually. I knew soemone that just got really meen out of the blue and then had a stroke. I guess that the clot was doing soemthing to her brain before the stroke hit or something. One thing though that I have learned over the years is that when there is a dysfunctional relationship, and one person in it changes for the better, the dysfunctional person will get worse. Meaner, nastier, sabotaging.. etc. etc. If this is actually soemthing brand new and there was no hint of her being abusvebefore now, then i'd be suspicious of health problems as well. Just remember that you need to take care of you - ok? It's admirable that you're concerned about her, but it's also admirable when people do things to care for themselves and not be a martyr. Congratulations on your new degree!! I've wondered about the stop smoking clinics as well. LOL! They have places for herion adicts to go, yet nicotine is far more adictive - why nothing for us? It's because the goverment makes too much money on the cigarette tax, and the medical profession makes too much money on our health problems. They put those ads on TV that make us feel guilty or worse yet - grossed out, and what do we do in when we have those emotions? Duh - we smoke. LOL!! They know that - don't think they're dumb when it comes to this. Allen Carr beleived that one cigarrette company was using the surgeon general's warning to get people to smoke more by making it bigger on the pack and more prominant. I guess there's too many peopel out there making money on our stupidity (I call it the stupid tax) for them to invest anything in helping us to quit. [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 7/17/2006 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 38 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 2,127 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $494 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 3 [B]Hrs:[/B] 6 [B]Mins:[/B] 8 [B]Seconds:[/B] 30

Hey BGH, I remember you mentioning that lady before. Seems like there would be nothing you could do that would please this woman, nothing will ever be good enough. You know, we all know how hard it is to let something go that has been a big part of your life for a long time. Its so difficult to tell someone how they make you feel when for so long we have accepted their behaviour, we become accustomed to their abuse. When we try end the abuse they are left head all a spin wondering what the heck they have done wrong coz for all this time we have accepted it then all of a sudden its no longer acceptable. *Abusive behaviour I didnt know that there was a right and a wrong way of quitting. What does she think she can do this one better too? You are doing the very best you can and i know you are struggling right now. The reality of life is that it is ever evolving, it is never stagnant or still, its constant you can either choose to flow with it or go against the tide and struggle to make it through. *This is her struggle, not yours This lady from what you have described seems to be struggling trying to fight the reality that you are evolving, you are moving forward it frightens her, you might just leave her, you make her feel good, you feed her power source while you are around she feels in control but now she might just have to face her own fears - she said she wanted to be a concert pianist, i so wish she had, had the encouragement to do that when she dreamed it. No one beleived in her, why would she want to beleive in anyone else why would she want someone to do what she was too afraid to stand up for - her own dreams. I think she also fears being alone as long as you remain where you are you are still in her control. *She is afraid She needs to accept you as you are, encourage you, love you for you. Just because you are over 40 (i dont know how old you are sorry) it doesnt mean you are dead, why cant you educate yourself, why cant you be a nurse. Reach for the stars BGH, you can be anything you want to be, dream your dream and dream big. *Be all that you can be, dream big. Perhaps if you are not ready to sever the relationship stay away from her until you are ready to allow her back into your life. I do think that in order to be more su

Ps: Wish i had half the courage you have in all that you have overcome and acheived.... and attaining your Phd, dare i dream that dream? PrincessC :) x

If this has only been ever since your quit then it is even more than clear that she is afraid to loose you. She was happy with the old you, she doesnt want things to change. She wants things to remain how they have always been. Do in your heart what you feel right in doing, either way you will feel better for doing it for you are being true to yourself and i can guarantee once this weight has lifted you will feel so much better. PrincessC :) xx

I have often wondered that also. Its so ridiculous, yes they want us to quit but they wont support us in our quit. Makes me wonder what they would say if we went into the ER and said look im having a really really bad time of this can you help!! Im sure they would laugh at us just after they get security to escort us out. I know you are having a hard time of it sweetie and i really do hope you are proud of yourself coz even tho you are barely hangin in there you ARE hanging in there. I wish the days would start getting easier for you. Hang on as tight as you can hun. Hugs PrincessC xx

Wow 7 hours for you in one go is awesome BGH. lol poor cat :) What kind of part time job? That will be great. PrincessC

Hey BGH Hope you are ok. PrincessC :) x