I€™m so mad! I woke up at 5 with major anxiety. I fought it until it became an attack. I think I woke up worrying about having a dizziness attack while I€™m trying to shoot the wedding today. I told myself it wasn€™t going to happen, it never happened before, plus I€™ll be so busy, I€™ll barely notice. Then, I worried about my eyes hurting and not focusing. I tried to listen to my delta waves tape, but it wasn€™t helping. Then, the diarrhea started and the nausea, but I told myself €“ no vomiting. You need to work today. I took a ¼ Xanax, then still felt edgy and took ½ more, lamenting that it would knock me out later. I listened to my alpha wave tape and it was better, but I was getting that drift to sleep, then a tingling feeling and my stomach tightening would wake me up. (My book says the body thinks it€™s under attack €“ fight or flight - and falling asleep is not the thing to do, so it jolts you awake.) I got up, went to the bathroom again with diarrhea (and I seem to urinate a lot when I get attacks), took some L-Thianine and some nausea homeopathic and laid on the couch. I was drifting again, but much groggier from the drugs. I was waking with chills. The girls got up about 8am and Sammie made me breakfast. How sad is that? My 7 year old has to take care of me. I feel ashamed and angry that this is happening to me and I can€™t control it. They want a dog, and I keep telling them we can€™t until mommy feels better. When I told Sammie I was sick this morning, she said, €œOh great. Not again.€ She probably won€™t remember this when she€™s older, but I feel terrible that I can€™t do things for them when this happens. I talked to Mike €“ he got off the phone quickly since I told him I was sick, of course. He doesn€™t want to hear it or talk about it. His mom called and we talked for a while. She told me to call her anytime like the AA people do and try a mantra €“ a Hail Mary, anything to turn off the mind when it starts to go off. I€™m so embarrassed. I€™ve always been so strong and on top of things and €œperfect€ as my family and mother-in-law have said. Now, my mother-in-law is talking through my anxiety with me. God, I hate this. I cried when I got off the phone with her, too. Waiting for answers to these medical questions, feeling guilty abou
