Bobby, I can hear that you're scared and you are concerned for your wife and your future with her and her health. I also hear that you don't think that she can do it. My advice would be this, if she tries and fails, acknowledge that she tried and be her biggest cheerleader....like you're absolutely positively certain that she'll quit and you have complete confidence in her. So acknowledge that she tried and invite her to keep trying and not to give up that you believe in her. Hope that helps.

how am i suppose to support my wife to quit smoking she has not yet picked a date, i dont know what to do,this may seem mean but i dont think she will or can do it she did quit back in 1981 with a support group i have never smoked in my life so i dont really understand.she wants to quit and that why we looked for a support group, i know she wants to but i really dont know if she can, im just being honest guys, i do get upset that she just dont quit if thats what u want. this is her support group but i just wanted to find out what do i do to help her, she smokes 2 pack a day and has copd.i just want her to be around longer she is my life we have been married 20 years so i will owe every one alot if u can support her and encourage her and maybe she will pick a day soon she really wants to but she needs some support besides myself thank you, Bobby

Bobby, [quote] i do get upset that she just dont quit if thats what u want. [/quote] I am sure that you mean well by posting. It sounds like you REALLY love your wife and are doing this out of genuine concern. It sounds like she's very lucky to have a supporter like you. But at the same time, it also sounds like you've never been addicted to anything before. Read [url=http://www.stopsmokingcenter.net/support/viewmessages.aspx?topic=23299&forum=15]What do you say to never smokers?[/url] to see a little bit of what it's like to quit an addiction. For many, it's not as easy as just putting them down and walking away. It's sad, but so many with serious illnesses keep on smoking, even some smoke through a hole in their throats, because this addiction is so strong and has such a powerful grip on them. In order to support her, I think you need to understand a little bit of what she's going through. It's very difficult to break an addiction like smoking because you just don't feel like yourself... you get depressed, angry, moody, spaced out, irritable, and then happy and then sad again and then happy, all in a period of a few minutes sometimes!!! For the first few weeks, or even months for some, it can be HELL! So to support her, just be there and let her know how much you care. If she does quit, even if it's just for a day, or even for a few hours, tell her how proud you are for her! If she makes it a day, make her dinner. If she makes it a week, take her someplace special. Just let her know how proud you are of her for even thinking about trying! And if she doesn't make it, don't be too hard on her. Many of us need to try several times (I've quit more times than years I've been alive!!!) before we get it right. If you're too hard on her for not succeeding, then she might not want to ever try again for fear that she will let you down. So if it doesn't work, support her then too and let her know that she will quit when she's ready and that you're proud of her for even trying. You might also talk to her about using NRTs (Nicotine Replacement Therapy) to help her quit. Do a search for different NRTs and ask her if that's something she might want to try. Also, ask her what coping mechanisms will work best for her like chewing gum, hard ca

Hi Bobby - What can you do to support her... No matter where she is each moment with quitting or not quitting... support her unconditionally... She's gotta "drive this car" and make her own decisions... it's all in her hands - all you can do is love her through it all. It has to be very frustrating to watch her and feel like there's nothing you can do... Well, what you can do is love her, no matter what... The Quitting? That one's completely up to her - she may go back and forth - she may quit and start up again... it's her journey, and letting go of the outcome will give you the freedom to just be there for her, with no expectations (if you're willing to let go of all attachments to the outcome, you won't find yourself disappointed)... Know we're here to listen ... Hang tight! Blessings and Love- Healer [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 3/5/2006 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 252 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 8,821 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $1171.8 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 32 [B]Hrs:[/B] 16 [B]Mins:[/B] 28 [B]Seconds:[/B] 39

Hi Bobby... Sorry for the slow response. It's a little quiet around here tonight but I know others will be coming along soon. You can rest assured that your wife can quit ...but I'm afraid whether she does it or not will be completely up to her. I smoked for 30 years. Nobody in my home smokes... but my son (now 21) made it clear how he felt about my smoking since he was a little boy and ultimately, he was a great motivator. He really didn't do much, he simply didn't let me forget that he noticed. Don't let your wife think you don't notice. Continue to gently and lovingly encourage her every now and then. With COPD, I know you think it would be enough to make one want to stop... but addiction to nicotine keeps smokers in denial that illness due to smoking can actually happen to them even though it happens all the time. I know that's heartbreaking for you... keep hanging in there. Making the decision to quit is fairly difficult in itself and takes some courage. Continue to have patience and don't let her addiction shove the thought of quitting into the dark corners of her mind. You might also want to consider purchasing a book on the subject for her to read. Anything to encourage her..... and give her courage. When she's ready, we'll be here. It would be great if she could participate here on the site until she sets her quit date. She can learn...but we can learn a great deal from her too. It's wonderful that you're supportive enough to post here. If she won't do this for herself, I hope she sees how important it is to you so that she can realize the importance of the change she needs to make. Keep the faith :) [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 2/2/2005 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 648 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 12,960 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $2313.36 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 68 [B]Hrs:[/B] 14 [B]Mins:[/B] 46 [B]Seconds:[/B] 46

Stressed, You have received a lot of great advice so take what you need and hold it close :) Regardless of her ailments she will decide when it is right for her. You need only to back her up and encourage her lightly. Come up with cutting back plans together. Smoking only outside, smoking a limited amount each day, and cutting down from there. Take the time to see the addiction for what it is. This is not easy for her and we respect you for helping. Have her read through the site and see the difference it can make :) Keep Strong, Josie _____________________ The SSC Support Team.