Teen. God, I just love your name: a teen with a grandchild!
In my experience, we will never be completely healed of our addiction in this life. We get glimpses of wholeness, where we say "COOL!" and then we're plunged back into our humanity and will do anything for just one more hit off a Camel Light.
It's all about our attitude and choice, Teen. If we CHOOSE not to smoke any more, we can hang out with chain smokers and sing the old Spiritual with confidence, "I Shall Not Be Moved." Until we make that choice, it's all about deprivation. "Ooooh, I DESERVE this cigarette because I've had a sucky day."
We're not being deprived of squat. Any one of us can go to the friggin store and get cigarettes any time we want to. We are choosing not to smoke. That's a huge differnce. Who's in charge here? The addiction or the non-smoker?
It IS SO CONFUSING until we decide that the choice is ultimately ours: I can friggin smoke any time I want to, and thanks be to God, I choose not to. That doesn't make me a victim, it makes me a victor.
I had a fabulous dinner with my smoking daughter tonight and could very easily have smoked with her; the whole point of the quit is that I have chosen not to. It has not been taken away from me; I have chosen not to.
If it's not true just yet, but you want it to be true somtime, then maybe follow the lead of the Twelve-Step folks? Fake it till you can make it: I choose not to. I choose not to. I choose not to.
I choose not to, and it's great!! Confusion is almost all dissipated.
peteg
[B]My Milage:[/B]
[B]My Quit Date: [/B] 10/30/2006
[B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 31
[B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 1,598
[B]Amount Saved:[/B] $170.5
[B]Life Gained:[/B]
[B]Days:[/B] 5 [B]Hrs:[/B] 14 [B]Mins:[/B] 14 [B]Seconds:[/B] 14
