Is anyone on here on disability/SSI for this condition?!
I have been for 5 years and I'm starting to feel so miserable and guilty because of it. That everybodies taxes are paying for me, that I get free medication, that I got a free education
That was one of the main reasons why I dropped the Office progam at the other campus the 1st day...New people ,these girls smiling at me just like the old campus(but in my head it's like little do they know or do they?!) I got asked out a few times & even went out a couple times with a girl there in one of my clasess I don't consider myself that bad looking I just don't have hardly any self esteem in me at all anymore, as soon as the girl next to me asked me how much the book cost I told myself that's it & I dropped out...
I was hospitalized for a week after that & this older guy that shared the room next to me told me he was Bipolar & I asked him if he got panic attacks & he shouted "ALL THE TIME!" & then I asked him what he does for them & he said he self medicates himself. Then I asked him If he was on disability & he yells "OF COURSE!"
I used to self medicate myself too I didn't know the word but I know that was the only way I knew how to cope with this. But as bad as I'm experiencing it worse & worse & I feel right now that I'm completely worthless & have no idea what's gonna happen in my future now I'm thinking why even drink anymore I have nothing to show for it & I'm not happy at all being on this anymore.
I cannot believe I went to college for a semester it was pretty hard to do & I didn't tell a single person whatsoever about my condition because I knew I would be the laughing stock of campus like I kinda think I was anyways for other reasons & that everybody would hate me, ....except a couple of teachers & 1 time I went in the office for students with disabilities & made sure no one saw me walk in there. I still can't get over that I went to college. & even though I dropped the courses I wanted to go for, I still got a 3.5.....I cannot believe that
Now I'm more agoraphobic then ever I can't even put into words what's been going on in my head lately I've been so run down, severly paranoid, awful drymouth, horrible concentration, weird sleep, nausea, weird appetite...
It would be nice t
