I had been so much better for the past week. The Celexa had kicked in and I was starting to feel like I could overcome this. I started to use rational thought to control the anxiety and I was taking small steps in returning to the land of the living.
Last night, I just got into bed and my heart did this crazy flutter thing that lasted longer than my usual palpitations. It wasn't pounding hard but just beating so fast, like really fast. I wasn't even anxious at the time. Then my arms started hurting again and I seriously got my hand on the phone so I could call 911 right away if necessary. I had had fatigue in my arms and upper body earlier that day and I thought that must have something to do with my heart. I guess I finally fell asleep but when I woke up this morning my arms were really sore and both sides of my head are sore when I lie on them or press on them (near the temples). Now I'm thinking...cancer that is spreading throughout my body and into my brain?, ALS?, any kind of cardiac problem you can imagine?
AHHHHHHHHH...
I drive myself nuts with these thoughts. Especially with all the stress, lack of sleep and a while ago when I had problems eating, I know I've damaged my immune system so these illnesses are more likely to occur!
As soon as one things over, I swear, I get something else! It's like this little terrorist in my head is saying "Don't get too confident. I'm not through with you yet. You are still mine and I won't let you forget that."
