Oh Monica Sweety...I really wish I could give you a big hug so that you will know that everything is going to be ok.
Let me tell you a story (hopefully I can shorten it...because I love to type fast!!! LOL)
During my second longest quit (almost three months long) about 8 years ago, my grandmother (who I was extremly close to) was very sick and dieing of colon cancer. The reason I quit was because she always wanted me to and when I told her I had quit....it made her smile a weak smile and she was happy. I felt I had given her the only thing I could give her at that moment...because she was going to die and I couldn't fix that. After she passed away, I stayed quit for a few more weeks (I was on welbutrin). I did fine during the visitation, funeral, family functions, but the one thing I wasn't doing was grieving. The welbutrin (for me) seemed to mask the emotions of my grandmother's death. About three weeks later, I went off the welbutrin thinking I was good to go...no more smoking for me....what a HUGE mistake. I completely lost my mind. My husband couldn't say my grandmother's name or I couldn't look at her picture hanging in my hall because I would immediately burst into hysterical sobbing and couldn't stop. Finally went to the doc (hubby was freaking out because I was a basket case), and when the doc asked me why I was there....I got all hysterical again... I honestly thought I was losing my mind. LOL, the doctor looked a little frightened of me...I bet I was a sight to see!
I also started craving cigs at this point, and just completely succumbed (because I did not have the information or support to keep my quit...I felt very very alone). The doc perscribed medication for the depression, and I slowly started to heal and went through the normal grieving process.
Sweety, you have to grieve your father. This process takes time. I can't tell you how long, for everyone it's different. But it's not going to be taken care of overnight and poof the next day your all better. But remember, it's normal to grieve, it's normal to cry, it's normal to be mad.....IT'S ALL NORMAL!!!!! I'm glad you have something from the doc to help you through...it definately helped me.
I am here for you and will keep you and your hubby in my prayers. No matt
