Lucy
I'm sorry to hear about you losing your job! You know, just recently I posted a message about my inability to drive fearlessly at one specific place on my way home in the afternoons. I can so relate to what you're saying about the bridge. That one shortcoming makes you forget about the other wonderful accomplishments you've achieved. We should not allow this.
The fact that we have the courage to keep on trying alone calls for an applause. I, too, am embarrassed about my panic disorder - at times I go into a complete state of denial, because I so badly want to be normal again. On the days that I just accept it, it is so much better to deal with.
I sometimes tell people about the panic attacks, but I don't think they really understand. My aunt, who is extremely agarophobic, once said to me that she sometimes wishes that it was a broken leg or so, because the judgement and prejudice from the ignorant would then not be as bad. It would then be soemthing physical that the entire world would understand!
Because my panic particluarly surface when I drive on the highway, I get all nervous at work when there is just the mere thought of me having to attend a meeting outside which would involve me having to drive on the highway.
On a more positive note, though, I'm doing the panic program and it helped a big deal. Since I started the programme things have changed - for the better - significantly.
I'm praying for you and I know you'll overcome this victoriously!