Hello everyone, I am knew here, but saw these post and decided I needed to join this one. I don't have the exact problem as all of you. I do fear vomiting and would rather die than throw-up. Throwing up has become one of my biggest fear. I do not fear dying because of choking, however my problem is fear of eating because I might get diareah (sorry my spelling isn't the greatesh). Ironically even when I don't eat I have this problem. I don't know what is going on with me. Does anyone here have this same fear? Well I wish you all the best luck with getting threw this. I just wish all of us could get better and not worry about these things. I have started thinking this is something everyone has, although I no it is not true. I guess I have lived with this so long it is hard to imagine not living with these problems. But I don't want to live with them anymore, I just want to be happy and not worry about these things, I want to feel normal and live a good life. No one can understand what we go threw inless they have walked in our shoes. My wish for all of us is to get threw this and start living our life the way it should be lived, without our fears. Your friend, kerry

Hello JenD, Welcome to the Panic Center. There are many people here living with and beating panic disorders. Be sure to make use of the 'tools' on the left of your screen and keep posting your thoughts and concerns on the support group. We're here to help... Susanne

Hi. This is my first post since I joined like 5 minutes ago! Anyways, I was browsing through topics, and had to respond to this one because it was my reality years ago. I won't tell the whole drawn-out story, but will give you a summary. When I was young (about 7), I choked on a piece of steak. I freaked out after that, made them take me to the hospital, and didn't eat a solid food for over 6 months. Of course my parents freaked too, but they didn't know what to do. I was then having all sorts of panic issues just from the trauma, fear, and from knowing that this wasn't quite right. Anyways, when I wouldn't eat, I drank Ensure Plus (the meal replacement drink) 4 times a day. Eventually, I started eating again, but never normally until about high school (like 10 years later). At some point, I just didn't seem to care that much about choking, and started eating normally again. So there is hope. After college I started having some anxiety issues and a couple panic attacks. The first thing that I notice is that I don't like eating, and I start to lose weight. Then I start freaking out that I'm malnourished (which I don't really think I am), and get really flustered when all of my co-workers make comments about getting so skinny. That just causes more stress!! Last time this started I started on Prozac. I was on it for over a year, started eating again, and have gained my weight back (and then some). Anyways, I hope that it helps you to know that this stuff has happened to other people too. I'm sure glad to know that I am not the only one!! Good luck. Think positive thoughts - there has got to be a light at the end of the tunnel!

Hi, I totally understand what your going through. I too have been struggling with eating for last four years due to a bad choking experience. I havn't eated anything solid for 8 months now. The thorght of dying because of choking is so strong I have lost all hope. Not to mention what vommitting does for me. I get so shakey of fear I carn't even stand. I don't sleep well because I have vivid dreams of choking. My days are terrible, I always have panic attacks because I think there is something in my throat. My nutritution comes for anything that can be drank threw a straw and thats it. Whenever I go out which is not often I always carry a bottle of water in fear that I must always wash down my throat when I get those choking thorghts. I catch up with friends mainly late at night after I know their had their dinner. I find it even more difficult catching up after just passing on a friends dinner at a resturtant or somewhat. Plus at night I don't look so pale and can wear more layers of clothes to hide my slim frame. Summer months are a nightmare! I don't know when I will have a solid meal and feel trapped in a box where I am literally starved for life. I find it really strange when I see baby's eating as they just stuff food down like theres no tomorrow. Yet I am in my mid twenties now and wont even touch water on really bad days. From Bubbleguy. P.S I called myself bubbleguy as in the boy trapped in the bubble from a seinfield episode. My friends called me this a while ago and sometime use this in good humour. My friends are great and sometimes you have to laugh at the situation or I'll go insain.

Don't be sorry Aunia, theres no need. Rambling like that does the world of good. :) Just wanted to let you know that I have that fear of eating alone too. I'm getting better now but I still prefer someone around while I'm eating. Also I too fear eating at night. I think, like yourself, it's because all the choking experiences I've had have happened at night. I've done and I'm still doing what you are with the banana. Slowly introducing different foods to each meal and slowly increasing the portions. Eating at night is still an issue with me. I feel like I have to eat while it's still daylight, which is what I've been doing. That's great you had ice cream at a restaurant. I understand what a big accomplishment that is. :) Since I developed this fear of eating (since last september) I haven't eaten out at restaurants. I have attempted to eat at a few friends places over these last few months. But each time I've done that I've either had a panic attack about it or broke down in tears after eating. So now I have been eating before I go out. I think eating out has this effect on me because it's not something I 'plan'. I've placed a lot of importance on routine since september, especially with eating. So eating out of my routine brings on anxiety. It's a fear of losing control ultimately, I think. Routine really helped me but at the same time I can see how it's taking over and preventing me enjoying myself. I still love and want my routine but my goal is for it to become a routine out of choice and not fear. So I can eat at restaurants, with friends or just anytime anywhere without fear, come what may. Oh and I wanna put this food poisoning paranoia to rest too, I'm sick of it lol. I've managed to get the panic under control without meds too. It's just all the anxious thoughts and paranoias that are my main bug bare at the moment. I took some time off work when panic disorder first hit me strong. I thought there was something physically wrong with me too. Felt like I could never return to normal. It slowly gets better, with baby steps. But it is a slow process. "The Panic Program" here on this site helped me a lot to face my fears. Take care and try not to beat yourself up over stuff. :)

Yeh, emetophobia I'm so glad your broughtthat up Jgirl! I was reading up on vomiting fears a couple of months ago and found a few sites on Emetophobia. Needless to say I was really glad to find out it had a name! You're so right it is so nice to know others out there share the same fears :). Aunia I do that. I'll be ok with eating and then choke on something and go down hill for a while. So I know how it feels :( I've done the baby food thing too. Ironically though even before I developed this fear of eating/choking I loved baby food heh, I dunno why I just always have! With the fear of vomiting though something that I think about when I'm anxious about the 'what if's' with eating. I think about how babies vomit all the time and they're ok. My mates cat always vomits cause it eats so fast and the cat's ok. Also watching my friends eat and talk at the same time, they always choke momentarily and they're ok, they never panic about it either, I do lol! I think about these things when I'm anxious about eating and it helps calm me down. It's a form of exposure I guess. Oh yeh and that weight thing is really annoying. I've always been very skinny before I developed this eating phobia and trying to tell people I haven't got an image problem gets real old real quick. Now that I have this issue with eating everyone just assumes that I must have an image problem. People who know me well understand my phobia. But everyone else is just so quick to judge. Most of the time I can't be stuffed explaining it to acquaintances. Well ya know, you can tell when someone will understand and when someone won't. So if I think someone won't understand if I told them I just let them draw their own conclusions, they will anyway. In the end it doens't matter what acquaintances think of you.

TwiGGy, I can absolutely relate to your fear of eating and especially your fear of vomiting. I have the same problem - and it sucks. I have been in therapy for a while now and I am doing all that I can to beat it - I think the fear of vomiting is what causes most of my anxiety. Its awful. If you ever want to chat about it - let me know. I am full of knowledge (I have done lots of research on this phobia - called emetophobia if you don't know) and I am always happy to share what I know and what I have learned. It is also nice to know that other people have the same fears that I do. Jgirl

When I was younger I was anorexic and recently when I'm really stressed or anxious I don't eat at all. I have no idea why though I just don't seem to get hungry. When I do eat I have to force it down and I can't eat in public (I know that sounds stupid but it just seems easier alone). I found that eating little easy things like snack bars or fruit or sweets in public helped me get calmer about the thought of eating. I do know what you mean about choking & dying - those thoughts have crossed my mind too but I always make sure I've got a glass of water to wash it down in case I panic. Please tkae strength from the fact that many people feel like this and many of them make a full recovery. I'm on the up too at the moment after going though hell and hitting rock bottom. You have an inner strength, you can suceed, you will get better - it's just a matter of time. :)

Wow...when I first started with my panic, I became anorexic as well. I thought if I ate, then I would choke. So I couldn't swallow. For nearly 6 months all I ate was mashed potatoes and chicken broth. Great diet if you have a death wish. I lost 30lbs. It was disgusting. And even when I didn't eat I felt like I had something "caught in my throat". It was terrible. Finally, to make them release me from the "hospital" they made me gain 4lbs. Not a lot considering all I had lost, but I had to eat like one pea at a time, literally. I had to eat dry froot loops with my hands...one at a time...and drink after each bite. To this day, I still drink after each bite, out of habit now I guess. I know exactly how you feel though. I didn't think I would throw up though. But I was scared of the choking part. And when I did have to throw up during those six months I thought I would choke to death on that. Ugh...so gross.

Thanks so much for sharing that Twiggy. You've really helped! hehe on a side note Twiggy was my nickname at school lol. Thanks again. I'm getting better with eating now, slow process but I'm getting there. Reading and hearing about other peoples experiences with this has been a total god send. :)