I had a setback after two weeks of blushing free living, or fear of blushing. Somebody said that they saw my red face when I was talking to someone, and that I must have really enjoyed being with that person. It is not someone I usually see, a new person, and I was not aware of my blushing. But just the mention of this account made me turn beat red. I tried my best to face my fear, but I learned that I used an Avoidance Stratagy when I turned to the person's wife, and talked to her about it instead. I feel safer talking to other women. Later on, when talking to someone I always blush around, I blushed with him too...but I tried to face my fear, and just keep talking about something small. I believe the first panic led to the second one. This time, he did not blush in return, but he often does. After going through the part of the Panic Program about Avoidance Stratagies yesterday, I realized that I have used every single one of them to avoid facing my fears; going to my "safe" person, relying on my "safe medication", thinking about my blushing when it does pop up, distracting myself with other people, and that all of the above avoidance stratagies keep me from experiencing a reduction of fear, and taking credit from my own efforts. I have been able to analyse further what I need to work on to avoid these more subtle stratagies of avoidance that are affecting my exposure work. However, after studying all of this lesson, I have become depressed ever since. I thought I was getting better, but realize I have a long way to go. On top of which, I do not have enough courage to get the social contact I need to increase. I know I could do better, but fear is holding me back. Even with medications. I feel sad today. Maybe I am trying to take on too much at once. What do you think?
