I know, I know. I have to get over IT, the smoking thoughts. I have to embrace the new freedom. They SHOULD, the smoking thoughts, be all gone. There SHOULD be nothing left over. I SHOULD be free by now.
Well for me it just doesn't seem to be that way. The thoughts still flash through my mind. Not, certainly, with the same intensity, not with nearly the same frequency and the thoughts are non the less there. (I think that this connects, for me, with one of the biggest and most intense lies that the nicotine and the addiction together created, that lie is that I was relaxed, as I smoked. Actual fact the smoking created more stress and more physical torment in my body. My blood pressure was elevated and cholesterol levels elevated both signs of stress.) So given all of that why can I not consistently relax and be settled and calm with the fact that I no longer smoke.
So this post gets to be a post about how and what will facilitate, for me, the glorious change that I see so often here. I wonder and am saddened to see that, for me, these changes seem to happen and they are only fleeting. I look back into my smoking journal and see how high my level of addiction was. I smoked all the time and nothing would be uninterrupted by my requirement to smoke. I smoked for 3/4 of my life. I wonder if being quit will take another 3/4 of my life to feel comfortable and at ease with not smoking.
I have to say that I regret posting this here because I question that this post might seem unsupportive and if anything this is a cry on my part for support and for some knowledge. Because, yes, knowledge defeats fear at any level and to have more knowledge and less fear of caving in and being back in the lie would have me feel much more comfortable. I hope I can get the support that I am looking for and the knowledge from some of the great quitters here on this site.
Soooooo
What happens as the quit progresses and I mean progresses beyond a year into two, or more? Can anyone identify with having smoking thoughts, urges, after more than a year? What did you do? What mechanisms did you use to remain smoke free? Is this a momentary thing? It seems to me to come and go and some days are more intense than others.
I thank you in advance as I am looking for feedback and w